Sunday, January 29, 2006


Now that Rob Smith has whored his blog out decided to host some discreet advertising on his sidebar, I guess it’s time to face facts: there is no place that will not host an advertisement.

These days, cities routinely whore out naming rights for Athletic Venues. And what are naming rights, after all, but advertising writ large? Not only does it bring in revenue, but it occasionally results in unintended humor, as when Enron suddenly began to stink in the nostrils of the Body Politic. Enron Field in Houston became Minute Maid Stadium before you could say “Fuck! What happened to my 401k?!!?”

But if you want to see some Targeted Advertising, take a lesson from the geniuses at is a website - Last Minute Tee Times - that offers free online booking and discounts on greens fees at various golf clubs in the Atlanta metropolitan area. I’ve used their services on occasion. This morning at the gym, I stopped by the Locker Room to drain the lizard and could not help but notice their 16 x 20 inch advertisement positioned prominently above the urinal, right at eye level. Since Micturition Protocol requires that you stand at the urinal facing forward, not allowing your gaze to drift to either side lest you be adjudged to be a Fluffy Personage, the Eye-Bones are going to be nailed to that ad for a good thirty seconds. In terms of keeping a pair of eyes on a given message long enough for it to sink in, a Urinal Ad has got to be a far better deal than a 30-second TV spot.

The ad itself was clever enough. The tagline was, “Let us put a different club in your hand tomorrow,” which simultaneously played off the triple-entendre of “club” as in “piece of sports equipment with which the golf ball is struck,” “place at which golf is played,” and “dick.” For while one is reading the ad, one indeed has a Club-Like Implement of Destruction in hand. [I do, anyway.]

But the photograph in the ad was the most arresting - and location-appropriate - feature. For it showed a golfer standing fifty yards from the green, standing behind a tree, holding two clubs in one hand while quite obviously in Urination Posture.

Now, that’s targeted advertising.

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