The other day I passed the zoo,
And thought, “Whatever shall I do?
Buy a ticket? Go inside?
See the hippo’s mouth so wide?”
Thus with ticket firm in hand,
Entered I in Jungle-Land,
There to take a walk and see
The primitive menagerie.
I came alone, without my spouse,
And headed for the Monkey House
To see our Primate Cousins play,
And hear the things they had to say.
But when I’d got there, and gone in,
A monkey with an evil grin
Affrighted me. Up stood my hair
When fixed with his demonic glare!
“O, Monk! Withdraw thy gaze from me!
Did something I did say or see
Create the rictus on your face -
Or do you hate the Human Race?”
This moved the Monkey not one bit.
Instead, he took a piece of shit
And flung it at me, baseball style,
Still smiling that demonic smile.
I ran ’til I was out of breath.
I’m haunted now by thoughts of Death,
Thanks to the Grinning Monkey-Curse.
I doubt that things could be much worse.
There’s but one Ape can cast a spell
That’s stronger than a Baboon’s Smell,
Whose grin strikes fear in all of us:
The dread Rhesus Sardonicus.
[Image credit: Velociworld, of course. It’s a frickin’ monkey.]