Saturday, April 08, 2006


Rory (What not to do in Australia) has posted the results of his poll on the merits of that uniquely American beverage, Dr Pepper.

With 69 votes total, the consensus seems to be that either DP is fine as is, or that it may be used to polish metal. I should point out that those answers may not necessarily be mutually exclusive.

But I had my own poll, and my results are a little different:

Pepper Poll

It’s clear that, given the greater number of votes represented in my poll, that Dr Pepper (a) does not blow goats, and (b) is, if not exactly the Nectar of the Gods, better than a sharp stick in the eye.

I declare a victory for Dr Pepper. There will be no apologies issued to the Fosters-drinking hordes Down Under, where the Vegemite makes men chunder.

Now, if you want to vilify an American soft drink, here’s a Short List of real horrors:
  • Moxie. Yes, you can still get this venerable New England soft drink. But why would you? Two words, Esteemed Readers: Gentian Root.
  • Dr. Brown’s Cel-Ray. As the name implies, this stuff tastes like (yecch) celery. Useful for cleaning drains, too.
  • Tab. This is Coca-Cola’s original entry into the world of Diet Cola, still on the market...because there are enough people who love its saccharin-fueled chemical pong to justify keeping it around. These people need to be dragged off and shot.
Anybody got any other Hateful Beverage Suggestions out there? Perhaps we can start a Soft-Drink Jihad.

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