Sunday, February 12, 2006


...that you doo-doo so well.

Dealing with Fecal Matters in the context of a blogpost is no trivial task. It’s easy to take the low road, to be gratuitously gross. In the hands of a master, however, you can end up with something that, if not poetry exactly, is both moderately revolting and hysterically funny.

Excrement makes us laugh. Let’s face it – jokes, stories, anecdotes, sagas, and homiletical diatribes having to do with shit, farts, and everything excretory have been around since before the earliest proto-humans even had a language that could be recognized as such.

Australopithecines wandering the fragrant savannas of Africa probably told Shit Jokes in pantomime form. Once language developed, it wasn’t long before you had the first stand-up comics:

“Thag fall in own shit. Ha!”

Feces are funny, no doubt because everyone has to deal with crap, and everybody (well, almost everybody) finds it revolting. It’s that tension between the familiar and the taboo that makes us chuckle. Or laugh out loud.

Now it appears that Rob Smith is making a bid for the title of “King Shit.” Well, “King of the Shit-Bloggers,” to be precise.

Now, I’ll allow that Rob is a Tall Dawg Blodger. He’s been there and done that way before most of us sloppy amateurs. And he was the creator of the Carnival of the Crappers, the late, lamented Stink ’n’ Link-Fest that helped put serious Crap-Blogging on the map.

But there is competition out there.

And I’m not referring to myself, even though I had a hand in (eeewwww) the infamous Punchbowl Meme from a year ago. Yes, I write the occasional Fecal Post, but I tend to be a tad scholarly on the topic.

No, I think we’ve got some serious contenders. You have Velociman, whose occasional Men’s Room Stories are the stuff of legend; witness this Tale of the Brown Tsunami. You have Jim, he of the Place Where You Pull To The Side Of The Road And Crap, who brought us the slightly specious tale of the 26-foot-long cable. And you have Og, the Neanderpundit, who can take a fart on an escalator and turn it into High Prose. I’ve often felt that Og is the past master at Turd-Blogging; you be the judge.

But if you want serious crap, this is your man.

Hey, I’ve talked enough. What do you think? Who Rules the Stools? If you’ve got a write-in candidate, put it in the Comments.

Who is King of the Crapbloggers?
Gut Rumbles
Parkway Rest Stop
365 Dumps
Free polls from

[In case you’re wondering, I’ve recused myself from being nominated, since I’m hosting the poll. I will, however, welcome write-in votes. And I have not added This Blog Is Full Of Crap to the poll because even though Lair Simon claims to be full of crap, he never seems to write about it.]

Update: Results have been posted here.

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