Blog D’Elisson can help!

Messages even Miss Manners can approve.

Here are some polite bumper stickers that restate those popular (but vulgar) sentiments in a form that even Miss Manners approves. Enjoy!
“Prepare to initiate landing sequence! On my mark, 5, 4, 3…whew, who let one? Was that you, Commander Jones? No? Well, it wasn’t me!”Perhaps humankind was not meant to walk astride the shores of these alien seas. Nevertheless, we have images and data that we can study... from a safe distance. Pooty amazing, huh?
“Someone open a window, dammit!”
“No! No! Aaaaaaaggggghhhhhhh…”
In the vitriolic world of political Web logs, two polar extremes are Eschaton (atrios.blogspot.com), a liberal, often anti-Bush site with a passionate following, and Instapundit (www.instapundit.com), where an equally fervent readership goes for hearty praise of the Administration.Laurence Simon, for those who don’t know him, writes a blog called “This Blog Is Full Of Crap.” It’s on my blogroll, and I make frequent visits. Laurence is on the conservative side politically, but his take on the Mideast is mostly right up my alley: Yasser Arafat Is Full Of Crap. [And, for that matter, so is Dear Abby.] Laurence lives in Houston, so I can appreciate the occasional local reference while at the same time thinking “better him than me.”
It would seem unlikely that the two blogs’ authors could see eye-to-eye about anything. Yet Eschaton’s Duncan Black (known as Atrios) and Instapundit’s Glenn Reynolds have both taken part in a growing practice: turning over a blog on Friday to cat photographs.
[...]
Some participants take Friday catblogging very seriously. Laurence Simon, a 35-year-old Houston technical support engineer, decided a while back that with so many people catblogging, it would be good to have a weekly compendium of the best of each week’s entries.
So he began to post what he called the “Carnival of the Cats,” a roundup (www.carnivalofthecats.com) of that week’s Friday catblogging, available the following Sunday.
“The reason why I do it on Sunday evening is that most people aren’t online,” Mr. Simon said, “so on Monday morning, when people get into the office and are facing their first horrible cup of coffee, they can look at pictures of cats until they get screamed at for the first time of the day.”
For a while, Mr. Simon was the host of Carnival of the Cats, but he decided to pass along the honor. Now, a different person handles the Carnival of the Cats each Sunday, compiling a healthy group of Friday postings for that groggy Monday morning audience.
Hallowe’en in Houston
or
Yes, Climate Does Make a Difference
It’s Hallowe’en in Houston: the sweat is on the pumpkin
And children dress as monsters in the heat.
They stalk the stifling streets and visit every city bumpkin
Ringing doorbells, shouting “Trick or treat!”
The torrid Texas towns are filled with tiny ghouls and ghosts
With Fahrenheit approaching 93 -
They look much less like children, and more like little roasts
Extorting molten Hershey bars from me.
I remember in New England, where the temperatures were frigid,
A chilly Hallowe’en would mark the season.
You’d go collecting candy and come home all icy rigid -
It just ain’t spooky if you aren’t freezin’!
The parking-spot pull-throughAs an employee of The Great Corporate Salt Mine who frequently drives a car for business purposes, I am required to take a defensive driving course every three years. Policy, you know.
You see the spot, you pull your car in. Then you see the pull-through opportunity. The spot in front of you, usually already occupied by someone who parked facing you, is open. It’s not just sensible logistically to go right through and park facing out. It’s plain good karma. A sign of good things to come.
“Honey, I’m going to the store. You want me to pick anything up for you?”
“Sure - quart of milk, loaf of whole wheat, and a 55 in a 30 MPH zone. Oh, yeah, and some Twinkies.”
How was your physical? No problem, kayn ayin hora. [If you don’t tack on the “kayn ayin hora,” the doctor will call to say he forgot to tell you about a little spot on the X-ray.]It’s almost a verbal tic. Hang around old Jewish people and you’ll hear it a lot. Or its more revolting equivalent, the “tuh, tuh, tuh” sound that mimics expectoration:
My son Charlie just got into Yale, kennahorra. [Omit “kennahorra” and a letter may show up in the mail telling you that they just discovered a problem with Charlie’s SAT scores, and his admission letter is rescinded.]
How are you today? Fine, thanks, kinahora. [Leave off the “kinahora” and you might get hit by a runaway bus.]
My niece Sheila is getting married to a nice doctor next Sunday. Tuh,tuh,tuh.Yep: ward off that evil eye by pretending to spit in it.
How are things in Glocca Morra?But whatever you do, don’t confuse “kennahorra” with that, er, ahhh, social disease.
“Fine, denks, kennahorra.”
Some Congressmen Get ShotsI, for one, am glad to know that our nation’s leaders will not lose precious governing time by being laid up with that snivelling, sneezing, coughing, aching, give me some freakin’ ComaQuil™ so I can rest affliction.
Despite a national shortage of vaccine, some members of Congress, including the top-ranking member of the Senate, have gotten their flu shots.
The Capitol physician advised the lawmakers to get their shots even with a shortage in place. In part, that’s because many Congressmen are over 65 and fall into the range most at risk from the flu.
But others, including Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, don’t fall into that category. Frist, 52, was one of the Congressmen vaccinated. His spokesman said Frist got his shot before new guidelines were issued.
Names of Cheeses Inspired by Star Wars Characters.Yeah, I know. It made them groan, too - but they published it anyway.
Queso-Gon Jinn
Jar Jar Brie
Darth Gouda
Bib Fontina
Lando Camembrissian
Princess Leiakranz
Grand Moff Tilsit
Jabba the Hutvarti
Boba Feta
Man Mistakenly Cuts Off Penis, Dog Eats ItReally doesn’t say a lot for either this guy’s vision, hand-eye coordination, decision-making capabilities, or personal equipment, does it now?
BUCHAREST (Reuters) - A elderly Romanian man mistook his penis for a chicken’s neck, cut it off and his dog rushed up and ate it, the state Rompres news agency said Monday.
It said 67 year-old Constantin Mocanu, from a village near the southeastern town of Galati, rushed out into his yard in his underwear to kill a noisy chicken keeping him awake at night.
“I confused it with the chicken’s neck,” Mocanu, who was admitted to the emergency hospital in Galati, was quoted as saying. “I cut it ... and the dog rushed and ate it.”
Any lingering doubt about whether the Beatles had changed would have crumbled into a thousand pieces had this version of the song been released. But it wasn’t. It remains in the vaults today, a reel of magnetic tape which captured a magic night.This paragraph haunted me for years, until the release of the Beatles Anthology II CD set in March 1996. The vault that contained that “magic night” was finally thrown open…and the magic was still there. That early version – Take 1 - of “Strawberry Fields Forever” was absolutely magnificent. On its own, it would have been a landmark recording. Now, it was not only beautiful in its own right, it was a precious piece of history.
And the Lord said to him, “This is the land which I swore to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, saying ‘I will give it to your offspring.’ I have let you see it with your own eyes, but you shall not cross over to there.”It’s just words on a screen here. To appreciate its beauty and power, you have to hear it chanted in the original Hebrew.
[...]
So Moses, servant of the Lord, died there, in the land of Moab... and no one knows his burial place to this day... Never again has there arisen in Israel a prophet like Moses, whom the Lord had known face-to-face…
moon phases |