Monday, March 14, 2005


Tomorrow is the Ides of March - International Eat an Animal for PETA Day.

And I will take it a step further. I will not content myself with merely eating an animal. I want mammal.

I don’t know what your plans are, but as for me, there’s a honkin’ big chunk of cold grilled sirloin in the fridge with my name on it. Unless She Who Must Be Obeyed gets there first.

As a fallback option, there are a couple of huge T-bones in the freezer.

And I mustn’t forget that nice, tender leg of Australian Spring Lamb. SWMBO won’t go anywhere near lamb, which means there will be More for Me.

Hell, I’ve worked up such an appetite, only a Country and Western Song will do to relax me:
You can have your birds and your fishies, too
Of course, I know they’re good for you
But sometimes nothin’ but Red Meat will do
Eat a Mammal for PETA.

Brown rice is nice, but I won’t think twice
And that bland ol’ tofu needs too much spice.
If you’re feelin’ hungry, take my advice -
Eat a Mammal for PETA.

You got tasty cows and delicious lambs
And if ya ain’t Jewish, ya even got hams.
I buy ’em by the gross at Costco or Sam’s -
Eat a Mammal for PETA.

[I got dibs on them ribs, sibs...]

So grab some beef, or bear, or even some beaver.
Get out of the way and hand me that cleaver,
I’m deep in the grip of Carnivorous Fever.
Eat a Mammal for PETA!

[You can find out more about the Third Annual International Eat an Animal for PETA Day at And if you’re in Houston, don’t forget Laurence Simon’s IEAFP bash this evening at the Rajun Cajun on Richmond!]

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