IN WHICH ELISSON STEPS ON HIS DICK

Sometimes, the best of intentions are undone by a Brain-Fart.

After dinner with our Minyan Crowd, She Who Must Be Obeyed and I walked over to the adjacent Kroger, there to purchase some cat litter. I went inside to hunt down the Dry Goods, as it were, while SWMBO stayed outside to talk on her cell phone, reception inside the store being hit or miss.

When I came out, SWMBO was nowhere in sight. As it turns out, she had gone into the store looking for me.

While I waited for her to figure out that I was no longer in the store, a gentleman pulled up in front of me in the parking lot, asking directions to a nearby subdivision. Since it is the neighborhood wherein is located our shul, it was an easy matter to give him directions.

“Just take a left coming out of the shopping center. Go down about two miles - it’s the next left after Home Depot.”

Ahh, that’s me. Helpful Mr. Debonair. I felt good about myself, helping my Fellow Man in some small way. Paying it forward. Tikkun Olam - repairing the world, one good deed at a time.

It was only as SWMBO and I were pulling out of the parking lot that I realized to my horror that I had forgotten that we were at the Kroger on Johnson Ferry Road just south of Shallowford. The directions I had given this nice gentleman unfortunate clod were based on the assumption that we were at the Kroger on Roswell Road at Coleman Road.

B-L-A-A-A-A-A-T!

That, friends, is the sound of a Brain-Fart. Fear it.

I had just sent this poor schmuck on a merry ride down Johnson Ferry Road, where nary a Home Depot is to be found. Perhaps he would realize his mistake before he crossed the Chattahoochee River into Fulton County...and perhaps not. Either way, he would be cursing “that stupid sonofabitch who gave me these Shit Directions,” and the shame of it is, he’d be right.

Now, if you will kindly excuse me, I need to wash the egg off my face.

Mr. Smart-Brains, dat’s me!