WHEN IN DOUBT

Order Out.

This evening, She Who Must Be Obeyed and I were at sixes and sevens concerning What The Hell To Eat For Dinner.

As I’ve mentioned before, SWMBO is dealing with some serious orthodontia, which makes certain foods frustratingly inedible. When this business is all over with, I know she will want to make up for lost time by eating some Serious Beefsteaks. My sweetie is, after all, a Texas Girl, and for Texas Girls, Beef is What’s For Dinner.

But that is some time in the indeterminate future. What about right now?

The Neighborhood Chinese Take-Out Joint to the rescue! Because sometimes you just don’t feel like opening another Gawd-damned can of soup.

And none of that wacky-ass Hunan or Szechuan crap - at least, not tonight. Simple Cantonese fare is the order of the day, beginning with Beef Egg Foo Yung. SWMBO gotta have her beef.

It’s a strange thing. She Who Must Be Obeyed will generally avoid egg dishes like the plague. Eggy stuff is only one notch on the Loathe-O-Meter below the dreaded “L” foods: liver and lamb. Omelets? Fuhgeddaboudit.

But fry up that omelet in a Chinese kitchen and dump a little E.F.G. on it (Egg Foo Gravy), and suddenly it becomes the most desirable food on the planet to The Missus. And it’s easy on the choppers!

No Chinese meal is complete without that quintessential American dessert: fortune cookies. [Real Chinese, of course, don’t know from fortune cookies.] And whaddaya think mine said?

“Don’t forget to take your Ripitol!”