C IS FOR COOKIE CAULIFLOWER

Word on the street is that the beloved Cookie Monster of Sesame Street will be forced to give up his cookies…or at least change his attitude.

“C is for Cookie – that’s good enough for me!”

Not any more, bub. Too many fat kids. You’re setting a bad example.

“But Cookie Monster not trying to be role model! Extreme love of cookies prevent Cookie Monster from leading normal lifestyle! Cookie Monster represent Dionysian outlook on life! Kids no look at Cookie Monster as serious representation of behavioral ideal. Me funny – no take seriously!”

You mean…

“Right – Cookie Monster provide moral lesson! Show how it ridiculous to be obsessed with any one thing! I carry to extreme, everyone laugh!”

Well, someone doesn’t get the joke. They’re gonna have you eating cauliflower, Blue Boy. They want you to teach kids that cookies are a Sometimes Food, not an Anytime Food. They want you to eat…tofu. And broccoli.

“Why everyone blame problems on me? Kids watch Cookie Monster no get obsessed with cookies – they look at me, see how stupid I act – why this suddenly my problem? Why fat-ass kids eat at Mickey D all the time? Is parents’ fault, not Cookie Monster fault! My life is object lesson in coping with addiction!

“No point Cookie Monster go on living if cannot have cookie! Where can of gas and book of matches?

“What this…cauliflower?!!? Please – kill me now!”