Sunday, December 24, 2006


Has this ever happened to you?

You’re blissfully, contentedly occupied with the somewhat mindless activity of Face-Shaving. You have applied a thin coating of lather to your beard. You have a razor with a fresh, sharp blade. Everything is copacetic...

...and then, you whack an enormous chunk of meat out of your face.

I fuckin’ hate that.

Did it a couple of days ago. I could feel the blade catch on a piece of skin just at the edge of my chin. It was just like slicing deli meat at the local Publix...except deli meat doesn’t sting when you slice it.

Thank Gawd I had a chunk of styptic pencil handy.

Anyone here familiar with the ol’ Styptic Pencil? It’s basically a stick of alum, a highly astringent chemical that causes your Face-Meat to squinch up, cutting off any blood leakage. Stings like a bitch, but it beats walking around with a piece of blood-clotted tissue stuck to your face. Us Razor Blade Boyz like to have that styptic handy, just in case.

We old guys have faces that carry the scars of a lifetime. I have, under my chin, a lump of scar-tissue, a souvenir of someone treading on my head as I glided soundlessly at the bottom of a swimming pool in my adolescent years. On my left cheek is a barely noticeable gouge, all that is left of a mole I had removed a few years ago. And now, I have a reminder - one that I suspect will be permanent - of one morning’s misadventure with Mr. Razor.

Ah, well. Time to head to the store. I’m getting an inexplicable hankering for some rare sliced Roast-Beef...

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