HOT FOR TEACHER

Oh wow, man!
Wait a second, man. Whaddaya think the teacher’s gonna look like this year?
My butt, man!

T-t-teacher stop that screaming, teacher don’t you see ?
Don’t wanna be no uptown fool.
Maybe I should go to hell, but I’m doin’ well,
Teacher needs to see me after school.

I think of all the education that I missed.
But then my homework was never quite like this.
Got it bad, got it bad, got it bad,
I’m hot for teacher.
I got it bad, so bad,
I’m hot for teacher.

Hey, I heard you missed us, we’re back!
I brought my pencil
Gimme something to write on, man

I heard about your lessons, but lessons are so cold.
I know about this school.
Little girl from Cherry Lane, how did you get so bold?
How did you know that golden rule?

I think of all the education that I missed.
But then my homework was never quite like this.
Got it bad, got it bad, got it bad,
I’m hot for teacher.
I got it bad, so bad,
I’m hot for teacher.

Oh man, I think the clock is slow
I don’t feel tardy
Class dismissed

- Van Halen, Hot For Teacher

[Personally, I prefer the cover version by Richard Cheese, from his Tuxicity album. Heh.]


Teacher of the Year Debra Lafave.

According to this report by the Associated Press,

Prosecutors in one Florida county decided Tuesday to drop charges against a former Tampa teacher accused of having sex with a 14-year-old middle school student.

The decision, announced hours after a judge rejected a plea deal for Debra Lafave, means the victim won’t have to testify.

Lafave’s sentence in another county for having sex with the same boy still stands.

Lafave is 25. Old enough, in theory to know better, but young enough not to feel (apparently) any intergenerational distance with her Boy-Toy.

I’m guilty, as I’m sure many of my Esteemed Readers are as well, of feeling a bizarre combination of Outrage and Envy at this mess. Outrage, sure: the boy was just fourteen, and had it been a 25-year-old male teacher consorting with a fourteen-year-old girl, it’d be Angry Villagers with Flaming Brands and Pitchforks Time™. And there is the whole issue of abuse of the teacher-student relationship, equally serious - if not more serious - in my eyes.

But there’s that little bit of envy, too. I mean, what hormone-raddled fourteen-year-old boy would not give his left nut to prang a honey like Miss Lefave?

No jail time for Little Miss Studentfucker, though. To protect the young man from the pain of testifying in court before a blood-sniffing gaggle of Media Whores, the prosecutors elected to drop the case.

There’s a lesson in there somewhere, but I’m not sure exactly what it is.

[And I will confess: I, too, am Hot For Teacher. Not my teacher, ya cretin. The one I’m married to, She Who Must Be Obeyed her ownself!]

A tip o’ th’ Elisson fedora to GuyK of Charming, Just Charming, for the link.