BATHROOM WATER

When you’ve known someone for thirty-plus years, you get used to his or her little quirks and foibles.

And when it’s someone you love, those little quirks and foibles can be quite endearing, despite their outward weirdness.

Take She Who Must Be Obeyed, f’r instance.

SWMBO loves her a nice, cold, glass of water, preferably with ice. But if that water comes out of the bathroom tap? Fuhgeddaboudit.

SWMBO refuses to drink water from the bathroom tap. Absolutely refuses, as in “No Fucking Way, Jack!” Even if I ice it down.

I laugh at this. The only time it inconveniences me is when I volunteer - like the good husband I am - to go downstairs and get the Missus a glass of water from the kitchen tap. This usually happens when she’s already in bed and remembers that she needs to take the Evening heap o’ Pharmaceuticals. Gawd forbid she should wash ’em down with Bathroom Water.

[Could she tell if I went downstairs and got it out of the bathroom tap? She thinks so. She’s convinced there’s a discernible difference.]

Now, I, myself, would have problems with drinking water out of the toilet bowl. Or the toilet tank, for that matter. I’d only consider drinking toilet tank water in the event of Nuclear War.

But we’re talkin’ tap water, water that comes from the same pipes as the water in the kitchen. It travels a little farther, is all. It’s exactly the same as all the other water in the house.

Or is it? Does it perhaps pick up Pee-Pee and Doody Cooties from the mere proximity of those pipes to Bathroom Appliances? Is there a Mysterious Cocky-Ray that somehow contaminates Bathroom Water even as it passes though the plumbing?

The Missus says that that’s not the problem. She says the water from the bathroom taps simply tastes different. I could call bullshit and have her do a blind tasting, but what would be the point? It’s like the Evolution vs Intelligent Design issue: SWMBO has faith in her Bathroom Water Tastes Different religion, and all the scientific evidence in the world will not suffice to convince her that her faith is baseless. And besides, I rather enjoy this little wrinkle in her personality, a wrinkle that has been there for at least as long as I’ve known her. I figure her Quirky Personal Crap is no quirkier than mine, when it comes right down to it.

Do you have a problem drinking Bathroom Water? Tell yer Uncle Elisson all about it...