Morris William presented me with a Book Recommendation this morning.
The book is Overheard in New York, and it is a scream.
Call it “Found Wisdom.” For the book is nothing more than a cleverly compiled selection of genuine Random Conversations heard around New York. Eaves-Droppings, as it were, culled from dialogue heard on the street, in restaurants and shops, or on the subway.
Waitress: Do you want the pierogies boiled or fried?
Customer: What’s the difference?
Waitress: One’s boiled, one’s fried.
Headwaiter: I’m sorry, sir, but you can’t smoke in here.
Cigarette guy: I can’t smoke in here? Next thing you’ll tell me I can’t fuck in the bathroom.
Daughter: Mom, is beef steak?
Mother: No, steak is steak.
And so on. Like Jay Leno’s Man on the Street interviews, this book may convince you that the average New Yorker is a Compleat Moron, but sprinkled in there are a few Pearls o’ Wisdom that would do King Solomon himself proud. Like this one, overheard in Bensonhurst:
A Russian man is blocking the way out of the store.
American woman: Excuse me.
Russian man: I’m picking my lemons.
American woman: Whadya want us all to do, play leapfrog over you? Move it, please.
Russian man: You’re stupid.
American woman: Stupid? I got one word for you: Chernobyl! How’s that for stupid? Bet you were working there, you fucking asshole. Now move it, you fuckin’ retard!
Delightful! Just like being back home...