Whenever Blown-Eyed Blodgers gather, you can be sure that events take place that, like the legends and myths of old, grow in the retelling. As the redoubtable Sammy would say, “You can’t make this shit up.” But you can embellish at will...and that is another thing we Blown-Eyes are good at.
The events of last October at Eric’s Big Bad Birthday Open House are not exactly shrouded in mystery, but like the elephant described by a multitude of blind men, there are several versions of the story.
Sammy’s is here.
Velociman’s is here.
It was Sam who was inspired to bring together the people involved in the Original Incident for a Commemorative Photo Shoot by the banks of the ’Hooch. There was a slight problem, though. V-man was there. Sam was there. Dax was there. But T1G, alas, was not.
The solution? Thanks to the magic of PhotoShop, T1G’s place could be filled by a stand-in (and a well-endowed one, at that), his head added on later. And that’s where I came in, a member of the conspiracy.
Of course I, too, had to add my Two Cents...with a little Vile Doggerel...
No matter what your circumstance,
In Mansion or in Hovel,
To guard against the Evil Chance,
It helps to have a Shovel.
The sots who dare to tempt my wife
With drink or acts of love’ll
Be beaten within Inch of Life
With this, my trusty Shovel.
Its handle, like unto a Bat,
A very Lou-ville Sluggel.
Its blade will be a Painful Hat:
At least, when Head meets Shovel.
The AR-15’s quite the gun -
Reduces Meat to Rubble.
Brute Force, alas, is much more fun:
That’s why I wield my Shovel.
So watch yourself at Eric’s place,
Not e’en the Lord above’ll
Be able to protect your face
From that there Straight White Shovel.
You guys up there at Eric’s this weekend? Be advised...keep Fiona well away from the Chocolate Vodka...and Eric away from the Gardening Equipment.