Wednesday, September 12, 2007


Thinking too much is sure to get me in trouble...because these are the kinds of things I think about:
  • Can you make a candle out of earwax?

    I made a candle out of earwax,
    Braided nose-hair for a wick.
    It gives a warm and glowing light
    But it makes the Missus sick.

  • Wouldn’t it be great if, instead of those grilled turkey legs they sell at Renaissance festivals and the like, they’d sell grilled ostrich legs?

    Ostrich is red meat with a mildly beefy flavor. I would purely love to walk around amidst the Jousting Tournaments, the Human Chess-Games, the Punch-and-Judy Shows, and all that other ridiculous stuff if I could only do it whilst gnawing on a grilled bird-leg the size of a Louisville Slugger.

  • Instead of a kidney-shaped pool (all the rage in the 1950’s), wouldn’t it be fun to have a kidney stone-shaped pool?

  • Wouldn’t it be fun if the top twenty players on the PGA Tour all gave themselves animal nicknames to see if that would help them beat Tiger Woods? It’d be even better if Brian Whitcomb would assign the names Animal House-style:

    Whitcomb: “Your PGA Tour name is...Orang-Utang Garcia.”

    Sergio Garcia: “Why ‘Orang-Utang’?”

    Whitcomb: [belches] “Why not?”

    Predator names would be prized; herbivores and Weird Fauna despised. But it’d be fun!
What kind of Stupid Shit are you thinking about?

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