Sounds like an old Soupy Sales song, no? Oh, wait. That was “Pachalafaka.”
No, this is Yet Another Stupid-Ass Meme, this one coming to you courtesy of Erica Sherman, herownself, although the thread has been picked up by several other people with a tenuous grip on reality. And, now, me.
LALOLKFATYK, not surprisingly, is not some unpronounceable Eastern European word; rather, it is an acronym for “Learn A Lot Of Little Known Facts About Those You Know.” Better yet, “…Those You Think You Know.” And here’s how we play this game, boys and girls – after you’ve worked your way through this post, if the mood so seizes you, feel free to answer these selfsame questions, either in a post on your blog or in the comments to this post. If you do write a post, link back to this one so I can laugh at your shit...much as you will laugh at mine.
WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Good question. It is traditional to name children after deceased relatives. The problems set in when the relatives who did the naming are all dead and can’t remember who the hell you were named after. At this point, I’m just glad nobody is named for me.
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
I’m pretty sure it was at Yizkor services at Yom Kippur, for reasons I have written about here.
DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
It’s OK. Reasonably neat, nothing special. But you can read it, which is more than I can say about any doctor I know.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
A good kosher pastrami, not too lean, and eaten hot on rye bread (of course) with mustard, maybe some tongue or corned beef, and a little chopped liver. Pastrami on white is a crime against nature. Oh, and don’t forget the Ba-Tampte half-sour pickle.
DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Aw, hell, yes. Two daughters, known here as Elder Daughter and the Mistress of Sarcasm, and two of the finest human beings I have the privilege to know. Not that I’m biased or anything.
IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Should I be?
DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
Yes I do, ya gaping asshole. Oh, wait. That’s not sarcasm – that’s a gratuitous insult.
DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Yes. My adenoids, too.
WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
Only if the other option was a bullet in the brain.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Posthumous Toasties.
Just kidding. Hot, I like McCann’s Irish Oatmeal (the steel-cut type) or Wheatena. Cold, Grape-Nuts has a reassuringly nubbly texture...but Cinnamon Toast Crunch is a guilty pleasure. I could eat a trough of that crap.
DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
If they have laces, yes. Otherwise, no. Duh.
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
What, my breath?
Muscle-wise, I can hold my own. And frequently do.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
That’s a bit like asking, “What kind of tits do you like best?” (Answer: Most of ’em.) But recently, I had a revelation: Nestlé makes a coconut ice cream in Mexico (helados de coco) that is so unbelievably kick-ass rich and creamy, it’s almost worth schlepping down to the Yucatan Peninsula just to get a carton.
WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
The eyes...right up there with the Bodacious Ta-Tas, in the case of you ladies. Heh.
RED OR PINK?
Red. Unless we’re talking about Pepto-Bismol.
WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
I procrastinate. Hell, I was gonna write this post last year.
WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
I miss my mother. She’s been gone nineteen years now, and my biggest regret is that she never got to see what beautiful, self-assured young women her granddaughters have grown to be.
WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Pants: Black linen. Shoes: Black Crocs, no socks.
WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Mongolian beef and egg foo yung from the local Chinese take-out place. Yummers.
WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
The sounds of “The Office” playing on the TV as background to the voices of SWMBO and the Mistress, the latter writing a profile to be posted on the Internet.
IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Prune Danish.
FAVORITE SMELLS?
SWMBO in the morning. (Really.) Drifting cigar smoke. Scotch whisky. Hot coffee. Chicken soup, simmering on the stove. And the old People’s Gas works on Dixie Highway in North Miami Beach, a bizarre, yet pleasant, childhood memory. Oh Captain, Mercaptan!
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
SWMBO, confirming that she had called our dinner order in to the Chinese place and that it was ready for pickup.
FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Golf and baseball.
HAIR COLOR[S]?
Dark brown, so dark most people think it’s black. But it’s not. And a leetle gray on the temples ’n’poobz chest hair.
EYE COLOR?
Green.
DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
Not any more. I wore hard gas-permeable lenses for years, but when I started needing reading glasses about seven years ago, I figured that it made more sense to get glasses with progressive lenses and bag the contacts. Wearing one pair of glasses all the time beats screwing with contacts and having to carry around a set of readers. Bifocal contacts? No, thankyew.
FAVORITE FOOD?
When all is said and done, it’s hard to beat a big, thick, honkin’ bone-in ribeye steak, charred on the outside with a medium-rare interior.
SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Apples? Or oranges? I like ’em both...
LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
In the theatre? That would be Amazing Grace. The last movie I watched on DVD was The Holiday, when SWMBO and I visited Eli and Toni in early April. I don’t believe I have seen a movie on DVD since then. TV shows, yes: movies, no.
WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
I’m wearing a tropical-style shirt with a fish theme. The predominant color is black, with accents of green, white, and salmon. Yes, salmon.
SUMMER OR WINTER?
Fall.
HUGS OR KISSES?
Blow me.
FAVORITE DESSERT?
For everyday purposes, ice cream. Key lime pie is good too. But the king-hell Best Dessert Ever is the crème caramel at Café Annie in Houston.
MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Chickie. Of course, she’s already done this.
LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Velociman doesn’t do memes, and Zonker doesn’t write blogposts.
WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
The Dangerous Book for Boys. Really.
WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
What’s a mouse pad, you Luddite? (You don’t need one with a wireless laser mouse.)
WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT?
The Mistress of Sarcasm and I watched a few episodes of “Kitchen Confidential,” a short-lived series based on Anthony Bourdain’s book of the same name that is now out, in its one-shot entirety, on DVD. Hysterical. Then we watched a couple of episodes of “Fawlty Towers” on VHS, a classic series that has especial resonance for the Mistress, given her current employment. And then, upon retiring, I caught a few minutes of “Robot Chicken.”
FAVORITE SOUND[S]?
The sound of blue Caribbean rollers crashing upon a snow-white shore.
The sound of ice cubes in a glass of gin and tonic.
“Sir, please accept this dinner with our compliments.”
ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Beatles...although there are times I want to slap Paul McCartney upside the head.
WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Surabaya, Indonesia. It’s 10,050 miles away from Trumbull, Connecticut, where I lived at the time of my visit. When it was noon at home, it was midnight in Surabaya.
Strangely enough, while I was in Surabaya, I opened the local English-language paper only to see an article about something that had taken place back in Trumbull. What are the odds of that ever happening?
DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
I can mimic other people’s writing styles. I have a gift for languages, sufficient to have enabled me to translate the Mr. Ed theme into four different foreign tongues. And...ich kann umfartzen liederlach.
WHAT IS A PLEASANT SURPRISE?
A tit full of whisky.
WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
In Brooklyn, New York, at the now-defunct Madison Park Hospital.
WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
Yours. Now, get busy!
No, this is Yet Another Stupid-Ass Meme, this one coming to you courtesy of Erica Sherman, herownself, although the thread has been picked up by several other people with a tenuous grip on reality. And, now, me.
LALOLKFATYK, not surprisingly, is not some unpronounceable Eastern European word; rather, it is an acronym for “Learn A Lot Of Little Known Facts About Those You Know.” Better yet, “…Those You Think You Know.” And here’s how we play this game, boys and girls – after you’ve worked your way through this post, if the mood so seizes you, feel free to answer these selfsame questions, either in a post on your blog or in the comments to this post. If you do write a post, link back to this one so I can laugh at your shit...much as you will laugh at mine.
WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Good question. It is traditional to name children after deceased relatives. The problems set in when the relatives who did the naming are all dead and can’t remember who the hell you were named after. At this point, I’m just glad nobody is named for me.
WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
I’m pretty sure it was at Yizkor services at Yom Kippur, for reasons I have written about here.
DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
It’s OK. Reasonably neat, nothing special. But you can read it, which is more than I can say about any doctor I know.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
A good kosher pastrami, not too lean, and eaten hot on rye bread (of course) with mustard, maybe some tongue or corned beef, and a little chopped liver. Pastrami on white is a crime against nature. Oh, and don’t forget the Ba-Tampte half-sour pickle.
DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Aw, hell, yes. Two daughters, known here as Elder Daughter and the Mistress of Sarcasm, and two of the finest human beings I have the privilege to know. Not that I’m biased or anything.
IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Should I be?
DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
Yes I do, ya gaping asshole. Oh, wait. That’s not sarcasm – that’s a gratuitous insult.
DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
Yes. My adenoids, too.
WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
Only if the other option was a bullet in the brain.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Posthumous Toasties.
Just kidding. Hot, I like McCann’s Irish Oatmeal (the steel-cut type) or Wheatena. Cold, Grape-Nuts has a reassuringly nubbly texture...but Cinnamon Toast Crunch is a guilty pleasure. I could eat a trough of that crap.
DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
If they have laces, yes. Otherwise, no. Duh.
DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
What, my breath?
Muscle-wise, I can hold my own. And frequently do.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
That’s a bit like asking, “What kind of tits do you like best?” (Answer: Most of ’em.) But recently, I had a revelation: Nestlé makes a coconut ice cream in Mexico (helados de coco) that is so unbelievably kick-ass rich and creamy, it’s almost worth schlepping down to the Yucatan Peninsula just to get a carton.
WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
The eyes...right up there with the Bodacious Ta-Tas, in the case of you ladies. Heh.
RED OR PINK?
Red. Unless we’re talking about Pepto-Bismol.
WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
I procrastinate. Hell, I was gonna write this post last year.
WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
I miss my mother. She’s been gone nineteen years now, and my biggest regret is that she never got to see what beautiful, self-assured young women her granddaughters have grown to be.
WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
Pants: Black linen. Shoes: Black Crocs, no socks.
WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Mongolian beef and egg foo yung from the local Chinese take-out place. Yummers.
WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
The sounds of “The Office” playing on the TV as background to the voices of SWMBO and the Mistress, the latter writing a profile to be posted on the Internet.
IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Prune Danish.
FAVORITE SMELLS?
SWMBO in the morning. (Really.) Drifting cigar smoke. Scotch whisky. Hot coffee. Chicken soup, simmering on the stove. And the old People’s Gas works on Dixie Highway in North Miami Beach, a bizarre, yet pleasant, childhood memory. Oh Captain, Mercaptan!
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
SWMBO, confirming that she had called our dinner order in to the Chinese place and that it was ready for pickup.
FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Golf and baseball.
HAIR COLOR[S]?
Dark brown, so dark most people think it’s black. But it’s not. And a leetle gray on the temples ’n’
EYE COLOR?
Green.
DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
Not any more. I wore hard gas-permeable lenses for years, but when I started needing reading glasses about seven years ago, I figured that it made more sense to get glasses with progressive lenses and bag the contacts. Wearing one pair of glasses all the time beats screwing with contacts and having to carry around a set of readers. Bifocal contacts? No, thankyew.
FAVORITE FOOD?
When all is said and done, it’s hard to beat a big, thick, honkin’ bone-in ribeye steak, charred on the outside with a medium-rare interior.
SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Apples? Or oranges? I like ’em both...
LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
In the theatre? That would be Amazing Grace. The last movie I watched on DVD was The Holiday, when SWMBO and I visited Eli and Toni in early April. I don’t believe I have seen a movie on DVD since then. TV shows, yes: movies, no.
WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
I’m wearing a tropical-style shirt with a fish theme. The predominant color is black, with accents of green, white, and salmon. Yes, salmon.
SUMMER OR WINTER?
Fall.
HUGS OR KISSES?
Blow me.
FAVORITE DESSERT?
For everyday purposes, ice cream. Key lime pie is good too. But the king-hell Best Dessert Ever is the crème caramel at Café Annie in Houston.
MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Chickie. Of course, she’s already done this.
LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND?
Velociman doesn’t do memes, and Zonker doesn’t write blogposts.
WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
The Dangerous Book for Boys. Really.
WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
What’s a mouse pad, you Luddite? (You don’t need one with a wireless laser mouse.)
WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT?
The Mistress of Sarcasm and I watched a few episodes of “Kitchen Confidential,” a short-lived series based on Anthony Bourdain’s book of the same name that is now out, in its one-shot entirety, on DVD. Hysterical. Then we watched a couple of episodes of “Fawlty Towers” on VHS, a classic series that has especial resonance for the Mistress, given her current employment. And then, upon retiring, I caught a few minutes of “Robot Chicken.”
FAVORITE SOUND[S]?
The sound of blue Caribbean rollers crashing upon a snow-white shore.
The sound of ice cubes in a glass of gin and tonic.
“Sir, please accept this dinner with our compliments.”
ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES?
Beatles...although there are times I want to slap Paul McCartney upside the head.
WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Surabaya, Indonesia. It’s 10,050 miles away from Trumbull, Connecticut, where I lived at the time of my visit. When it was noon at home, it was midnight in Surabaya.
Strangely enough, while I was in Surabaya, I opened the local English-language paper only to see an article about something that had taken place back in Trumbull. What are the odds of that ever happening?
DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
I can mimic other people’s writing styles. I have a gift for languages, sufficient to have enabled me to translate the Mr. Ed theme into four different foreign tongues. And...ich kann umfartzen liederlach.
WHAT IS A PLEASANT SURPRISE?
A tit full of whisky.
WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
In Brooklyn, New York, at the now-defunct Madison Park Hospital.
WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK?
Yours. Now, get busy!
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment