Tuesday, June 26, 2007


It was as we were driving to Destin last week that I made an important observation, an observation that encompassed both the Arts and the Sciences. The Arts: Men’s clothing. The Sciences: Fluid mechanics and hydrodynamics.

The observation: It is distinctly unpleasant to piss in a urinal while wearing shorts.

Why should this be? You may well ask. It’s an example of fluid mechanics and hydrodynamics in action.

When you pee in a urinal, the stream impacts the back of the urinal, inevitably creating a fine dispersion of Golden Droplets. Don’t believe it? Look at the partition between stalls: Inevitably, it will show a corrosion pattern that accurately reflects the dispersion of those Golden Droplets over time.

Micturating into a toilet bowl from the standing position - unless you’re one of those people who aims for the porcelain above the water in a misguided attempt to minimize the Pishy-Noise - does not generate Pee-Mist anywhere near the extent to which a urinal does. This I know from years of observation.

To eliminate Pee-Mist entirely, one would have to sit down while urinating. For men, this is completely unacceptable. That is, unless one is dealing with the dreaded Pee-Boner.

So: I am standing at the urinal, enjoying a refreshing pisheroo, when I notice the unmistakable sensation of Pee-Droplets impinging upon my leg-hairs. Nasty. And don’t tell me it never happens to you.

Which explains, by the bye, why Elisson rarely wears short pants. And why he bathes after Road-Trips.

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