Saturday, May 31, 2008

TODAY’S INAPPROPRIATE COMMENT

One of my responsibilities during our Shabbat morning services is to serve as Gabbai, standing at the side of the reading table during the Torah service.

There are two Gabbaim: Gabbai Aleph and Gabbai Bet. Gabbai Aleph reads the introductory blessings, announces those who are called up to the Torah, reads the Mi Shebeirakh prayer for the sick, and (in our congregation) recites Kaddish after completion of the main Torah reading. Gabbai Bet announces the page and verse numbers for each reading. Both Gabbaim read along in a printed text while the Ba’al Koreh (reader) reads from the Torah scroll, correcting the reader as the occasion demands.

Most Saturdays, I function as Gabbai Bet, a post that was honorably filled for many years by Gravel-Voice Larry before his untimely passing. But I can handle the other side of the reading table as well. On Mondays and Thursdays, I’m generally Gabbai Aleph.

There will often be breaks between each Torah reading on Shabbat. The rabbi may deliver a sermon, or a speaker may give a talk on a particular subject. During these breaks, the Gabbaim sit down and wait for the Torah service to resume.

This morning, at the end of one such break, as I resumed my position on the left side of the reading table, I leaned over and said, sotto voce, to the other Gabbai: “Okay, coffee break’s over - back on your head.”

Good thing we Jews don’t believe in Hell, ’cause I’d be going right there...

ONE: A 100-WORD THEOLOGICAL TREATISE

It’s a simple concept, really.

Sh’ma Yisroel, Hashem Elokeinu, Hashem Echad. Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is unique.

Other cultures had their pantheons, packed with gods of every description. All of them loosely modeled on humans and replete with the whole laundry list of human frailties. Envy, jealousy, hatred, lust, greed, you name it. So complicated. And so wrong.

“All things being equal, the simplest solution tends to be the best one.” William of Ockham said that. My idea, of course. Everything’s my idea, at the end of the day.

One God. That’s Me. What could be simpler?

[The 100 Word Stories Podcast celebrates its third anniversary today with Weekly Challenge #111, the theme of which is One.]

Friday, May 30, 2008

NUTS

O, horrible poems, I know I’ve wrote ’em,
But at least I’ve not written one about my scrotum.

Sure, I’ve written about Painful Rectal Itch,
A condition that most find an Obnoxious Bitch,
Or an even more evil and heinous complaint:
The dreaded Warhead that resides on the Taint.

I’ve rhapsodized on the strange, perverse beauty
Of crapping a perfectly Tapered Doodie,
Written verse on techniques for the Wipeage of Butts,
But at least I’ve avoided the Sack ’round my Nuts.

The Wrinkly Bag with the Crown Jewels inside,
That under the Meat-Stick doth happily ride,
Well, it “tain’t” a fit subject for song or doggerel
Unless the Author has slipped a coggerel.

HARVEY KORMAN, RIP


Korman RIP 01


Korman RIP 02


Harvey Korman, who cracked people up for years in sketches on “The Carol Burnett Show” and in Mel Brooks’s films, died yesterday at the age of 81 from complications of a ruptured aortic aneurysm.

Korman’s work with Carol Burnett - often paired with Tim Conway - garnered him four Emmy awards. I’m old enough to remember watching that show when it was in its original run beginning in 1967, and Korman was side-splittingly funny. But his IMDB resumé is loaded with television and film roles, even including voice-over work on “The Flintstones,” on which he portrayed The Great Gazoo.

He’s the second big icon of 1960’s television to die this week, having been preceded in the Big Sleep by Dick Martin, the “Martin” half of the team behind the groundbreaking series “Rowan & Martin’s Laugh-In.”

Throw in Sydney Pollack, who died Monday after a lengthy career as an actor, director, and producer, and Hollywood has hit a Death-Trifecta this week. The loss of these three is a real blow to the entertainment industry...and, especially in the case of Korman and Martin, another nail in the coffin of my youth. Oy.

Ave atque vale, gentlemen. We’ll miss you.

[Be sure to stop by and read the tributes posted by Erica and Big Stupid Tommy.]

FUZZY FRIDAY RANDOM TEN

Friday at last!

Let’s get some of the routine Housekeeping Matters out of the way. The Friday Ark, now embarked on its 193rd voyage, has been posted at the Modulator. And the Carnival of the Cats, that weekly Feline Foofaraw, will be hosted by Kashim and Othello over at The Catboys Realm. So now you know what to do if you neet a Cat-Fix Sunday evening.

And now we can move on to the Main Event: the Friday Random Ten. Ten musical selections, picked by the Hand o’ Fate from the electronic brain of my iPod. What’s playing this week?
  1. Spanish Key - Miles Davis

    Perhaps my favorite cut from the landmark Bitches Brew album. You will have heard it if you ever saw the movie Collateral, in which Tom Cruise played against type as a cold-blooded hitman.

  2. Beauty Killed the Beast - James Newton Howard, King Kong (2005)

  3. Dead London - Jeff Wayne

  4. Gehn’s Theme - Robin Miller

    Creepy music from the video game Myst II: Riven.

  5. I Can Change - South Park: Bigger, Longer, Uncut

    Saddam Hussein’s big moment from the South Park movie soundtrack, one of the funniest - and most obscene - collections of songs ever.

  6. Piggy Pig Pig - Procol Harum

  7. I’m the Slime - Frank Zappa

  8. Scene 13: One Wheel Spinning - Philip Glass, Les Enfants Terribles

  9. I See a River - Urinetown - Original Cast Album

  10. Big Black Mariah - Tom Waits

It’s Friday. What are you listening to?

Update: CotC #220 is up.

JUST ME: A 100-WORD ELEGY

Ever since I can remember, there were two of us: my sister and me. We almost never spent a day apart.

Got along pretty well most of the time, especially when we were little. But as you get older, you sometimes get a little more crotchety, a little more set in your ways. Sis was no exception.

Some might say she was a tad controlling, and maybe she was. Telling me when to eat, where I could sit. “Grey Hitler,” I’d call her, but never to her face.

She’s gone now. There’s just me, alone. I miss my sister Matata.


Beckoning


[The 100 Word Stories Podcast celebrates its third anniversary tomorrow with Weekly Challenge #111, the theme of which is One.]

Thursday, May 29, 2008

MR. DEBONAIR’S GOURMET CORNER

Mr. Debonair

Traveling the world in search of the exotic and unusual is Mr. Debonair’s bread and butter. When a rare or unfamiliar dish shows up on the menu, he will, often as not, try it so that he will be able to share the experience with his Esteemed Readers.

Turning up his nose at Scary Food - like Singaporean Fish Head Curry, for example - is not an option. It’s all in a day’s work.

Recently, Mr. Debonair had the chance to savor a really unusual treat: Ocean Oysters.

“But, Mr. Debonair!” you will say. “Oysters do not grow in the ocean! They prefer intertidal or subtidal zones!”

True enough, Mister Wikipediapants. But Rocky Mountain oysters (AKA Calf Fries), while they may be found in the Rocky Mountains, are not oysters at all...and neither are their aquatic cousins, Ocean Oysters.

Ocean Oysters are nothing more (or less) than whale testicles. A delicacy! And big enough to satisfy any gourmand, because the average blue whale testicle is the size of a Volkswagen Beetle.

[The blue whale balzac? Think of a wrinkly raisin, magnified to the dimensions of a small Quonset hut and encased in a thick coating of blubber.]

Cooking one of these Big Boys takes some effort. The usual preparation is to slice the whale testicle into two-inch-thick cross-sections, using a band saw. These can then be subdivided into smaller steaks, each the diameter of a dinner plate. Breaded and fried (in whale oil, of course!), a single Ocean Oyster steak makes a whopping big Dinner Entrée. As with a chicken-fried steak, cream gravy is an appropriate accompaniment.

Now, if only we Americans can get over our silly hang-ups about harvesting and consuming whale protein, we can give them Prime Ribs of Beef a run for their money...

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

PROPAGREENDA

Rhymes with Orange 052708
[Click to embiggen.]

Hilary Price must’ve read this post.

RIGHT YOU ARE, KID

This morning, in addition to helping She Who Must Be Obeyed schlep her school stuff from her old classroom to her new one - a task made more complicated by the fact that she will be teaching in a different school next year - I had the honor of attending a b’rith milah, a ritual circumcision, a tradition amongst us Jews that goes back at least 3,700 years.

The baby - the Guest of Honor at this sort of affair - is the grandson of Hank, one of my Minyan Buddies. Said Hank has three handsome and intelligent sons, all of whom are happily married off to lovely young ladies and all of whom are dutifully engaged in the business of cranking out Progeny. Kein ayin hara, it’s a wonderful family, and my friend and his wife are blessed with several beautiful granddaughters...and now a grandson.

So this morning, after the usual morning Minyan, a pack of us drive down to Hank’s in-laws (also friends from shul), where the ceremony will be conducted. There’s a good-sized mob of guests, including three rabbis (one of whom is the mohel, the guy who will actually perform the surgery) and a passel of grandkids, nieces, and nephews.

The baby is brought in with the appropriate blessings and is placed in Elijah’s Chair to be ooohed and aaaahed over before being taken up and handed to the sandek, upon whose lap he will be placed for the ceremony. The sandek, in this case, is none other than Grandpa Hank.

And then, just before the Moment of Truth, a gentle Juvenile Voice pipes up from the Peanut Gallery:

“Uh-oh!”

At which, of course, the crowd erupts in peals of laughter. Right you are, kid!

Meanwhile, the little guy hardly even complains. When he sees all those Home Movies in future years, however, it may well be a different story.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

LE GATEAU EN ROSE

Lemon Rose Cake
Lemon Rose Cake with Rum Glaze.

Couple of weekends ago, we were out visiting Richard (of Shadowscope fame) and Holder, his bride of (nearly) 20 years...the occasion was a Wedding Anniversary Barbecue celebrating the impending Double Decade Event.

By way of a Culinary Gift, I prepared the Lemon Rose Cake pictured above. It’s a nice enough looking cake, and it has a lemony-rummy taste that is both elegant and just plain eat-the-whole-fucking-thing delicious at the same time.

Holder was very taken with the cake and requested the recipe...so I’ve taken the liberty of presenting it here, courtesy of William-Sonoma. And the timing is perfect, because tomorrow is their actual 20th anniversary. Stop by and wish ’em a good one!

Lemon Rose Cake with Rum Glaze

For the cake:

2½ cups (315 g) cake flour
2 tsp baking powder
½ tsp salt
1 cup (250 ml) milk
1 Tbsp dark rum
¾ tsp lemon oil (food-grade lemon oil, not the stuff you wax your dining room table with, ya lummox)
16 Tbsp (2 sticks/250 g) unsalted butter
1½ cups (375 g) granulated sugar
3 eggs plus 1 egg yolk

For the glaze:

6 Tbsp (90 ml) water
¼ cup (60 g) granulated sugar
3 Tbsp unsalted butter
1 to 2 Tbsp dark rum

Confectioners’ sugar for dusting (optional)


First off, I’ll tell you that I use Swan’s Down cake flour. Any decent brand of cake flour will do, but don’t try to get by with all-purpose flour if that’s all you have in the pantry. All-purpose flour will not give this cake the meltingly tender crumb it’s supposed to have.

Have all the ingredients at room temperature.

Position a rack in the lower third of an oven and preheat to 350°F (180°C).

Grease and flour a rose cake pan.

First, that means get a rose cake pan. You don’t have one? No prob...a Bundt pan will probably work almost as well and be a lot easier to clean, but the cake just won’t look like a rose. It’ll look like a Bundt...whatever the hell that is. If you want a rose cake pan, you can find one at Williams-Sonoma. Getting the bank loan to pay for it is your problem.

Don’t be a wise-ass and try using Pam or any other cooking oil spray; you’ll regret it. [Eric and Fiona can attest to the Dire Results of using cooking oil spray to grease a rose cake pan.] Best way to grease this kind of pan is to brush it with melted butter, then chill it in the fridge until the butter sets, then dust with flour, making sure the flour coats the entire pan. Tap out the excess flour over the sink.

To make the cake: Over a sheet of waxed paper, sift together the flour, baking powder and salt; set aside. In a small bowl, combine the milk, rum and lemon oil and stir to combine; set aside.

In the bowl of an electric mixer fitted with the flat beater, beat the butter on medium speed until creamy and smooth, 1 to 2 minutes. Add the granulated sugar and beat until light and fluffy, about 5 minutes, stopping the mixer occasionally to scrape down the sides of the bowl. Add the eggs and egg yolk one at a time, beating well after each addition. Reduce the speed to low and add the flour mixture in three additions, alternating with the milk mixture and beginning and ending with the flour. Beat each addition just until incorporated, stopping the mixer occasionally to scrape down the sides of the bowl. Pour the batter into the prepared pan and, using a rubber spatula, spread the batter so the sides are slightly higher than the center.

Bake until the center of the cake springs back when lightly touched and a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean, about 50 minutes. Transfer the pan to a wire rack and let the cake cool upright in the pan for about 15 minutes, then tap the pan gently on a work surface to loosen the cake. Set the rack over a sheet of waxed paper, invert the pan onto the rack and lift off the pan.

To make the glaze: In a small saucepan over medium heat, combine the water, granulated sugar, butter and rum. Cook, stirring, until the butter has melted and most of the sugar has dissolved, about 2 minutes. Brush the warm cake with the glaze. Let the cake cool completely before serving. Dust liberally with confectioners’ sugar and serve. Serves 10 to 12...unless you’re really hungry, in which case: Serves 2.

Happy eating!

[Adapted from a recipe by Flo Braker, Author, Sweet Miniatures (Chronicle Books, 2000).]

MESO AMERICAN IDOL

Many of my Esteemed Readers have been riveted to their screens, following the adventures of Flat Stanley over at T1G’s place.

[If it were up to me, I might’ve named him “Flat Albert.” Hey, hey, hey!]

Flat Stanley, along with the jet-setting garden gnome in the movie Amélie, is a World Traveler. And so is Storyteller, Elder Daughter’s little chunk of carved obsidian.


Meet Storyteller

Meet Storyteller, our favorite Mesoamerican Idol.

I’m not sure if Storyteller can actually tell stories, but he certainly has seen enough Exotic Locales to give him a few ideas.

Elder Daughter schleps him around whenever she travels...and that’s a lot, these days, owing mostly to her work. She’s been to the jungles of Mexico, the sweaty-hot desert of Egypt, the scented hills of Morocco, and the canyons of Los Angeles, all in the past year and all in the course of her Paid Gig. Next stop, in about two weeks, will be Uganda. Oy.

And, of course, there was our vacation trip to Japan. Storyteller was right there, accumulating tales for future entertainment...


Storyteller Zen

...enlightening himself in a Zen garden...


Storyteller Arashiyama

...sightseeing at the Arashiyama Bamboo Forest...


Storyteller Tenryu-ji

...contemplating the teachings of Buddha at Tenryu-ji...


Storyteller Calligraphy

...practicing calligraphy...


Storyteller Calligraphy

...preparing to soak in a hot Japanese bath...


Storyteller Futon

...bedding down on a futon in a traditional room...


Storyteller Futon

...and keeping Elder Daughter company on the Hakone Ropeway.

Little dude oughta write a book.

I HAVE NO MOUTH...

...and I must meow.


Hello Kitty

Hello Kitty.

Hello Kitty, pictured above, is perhaps Japan’s most internationally-recognized cartoon character.

Sure, Mickey Mouse, the quintessential American cartoon icon, has an outpost in Japan. That’s an indication of how all-pervasive American pop culture is, even in the land of the Rising Sun.

But Japan is Hello Kitty’s home turf...and she has a Theme Park of her own. Neither Elder Daughter nor I could summon up the Intestinal Fortitude required to visit Sanrio Puroland, even as a goof. Way, way too much cuteness. But, then again, we wouldn’t have been caught dead at the Tokyo Disney Resort, either.

It’s instructive to compare and contrast the Mouse and the Mouthless Cat. Mickey may have about fifty more years of experience as a pop culture icon, but Hello Kitty has a certain bizarre charm that defies categorization. And although she lacks the Mouse’s humongous - and ever-growing - army of supporting characters, she manages to carry the ball pretty much by herself.

[One could question why Americans love Cartoon Vermin so much. Cats (intelligent, clean predators) are portrayed as vicious boobs in American cartoons, while mice (filthy, disease-bearing nuisances) are heroes. Why is that? Is it our traditional American love for the underdog? The only cartoon cat with any brains is Felix, and who gives a shit about Felix the Cat these days?]

Anyone who has seen American adults wearing Mickey Mouse regalia should have no problem imagining Japanese businessmen with Hello Kitty lunchboxes. People are alike all over, as Rod Serling once observed. But tattoos? Now, that’s different.


Hello Kitty Pirate Tattoo

Arrrrhh.

We had a chance to spend Quality Time with Hello Kitty when we visited Tokyo Tower.


Gotochi Hello Kitty



Gotochi Hello Kitty and Elder Daughter

Elder Daughter strikes a pose with Hello Kitty.

And lest you find a giant, mouthless Kitty disturbing, consider the official mascots of the Tokyo Tower: the Noppon Brothers:


Noppon Brothers


Are they coneheads? Are they squids? Or Giant Uncircumsized Dicks?

Monday, May 26, 2008

GOT GOTKIS?

I picked up a few pairs of undershorts yesterday.

Every so often, it’s a good idea to replenish the Inventory o’ Underwear. Not only is it necessary to replace old pairs that have worn out, or that have accumulated indelible Repulsive Skidmarkage, it’s nice to have as many as possible in order to stretch the interval between washloads.

I can stretch things out to about two weeks between washloads...twice that if I were, against the advice of Mr. Debonair, to double my Undershorts-Mileage by turning them inside out. Feh.

But I wanted some new shorts, and thus it was that we found ourselves at the local outpost of Kohl’s.

I’m a Briefs Guy. Specifically, a Hanes briefs guy. I know, TMI, but this Bloggity Business is all about the TMI, innit?

I’m a Briefs Guy because, as Kramer famously said, my boys need a home. It took a while to find what I was looking for, though. Lots of boxer shorts. But my boys don’t need a tent.

Lots of something they call “Boxer Briefs,” a garment that combines the worst features of boxers and briefs. My boys don’t need a prison.

[Whenever I wear boxers - or boxer briefs - I feel like I’m wearing two pairs of pants at the same time. Not a good feeling.]

After looking around a while, I finally found something that would work. Mid-rise briefs. Comfortable. My boys have a new home.

Here’s a mystery, though.

My new briefs came in a resealable package, the kind with one of those zip-lock strips. As if I were going to do something other than take them out of the plastic bag and throw the bag away.

Now: I can understand packaging, say, dried fruit in a resealable package. Trail mix. Brown sugar. That kind of stuff. Use some, then seal the package so the rest stays fresh.

But underwear? Is it going to go stale?

Friday, May 23, 2008

MORE COWBELL


Gora Cow-Bell


That was the first thing that came into my head when I saw this Cow-Shaped Bell hanging in the railway station at Gora, Japan.

And Elder Daughter was only too happy to oblige.


Gora Cow-Bell

Elder Daughter rings the Cow-Bell, simultaneously heeding the instructions of an elderly Japanese gentleman at the railway station and an invisible Christopher Walken.

Do any of my Esteemed Readers have any idea what the significance of a Cow-Shaped Railway Station Bell might be? Folk art? Religion? Or just plain Local Dopiness?

FUZZY FRIDAY RANDOM TEN

The playwright Congreve said it best:
Music hath charms to soothe the Savage Breast.
But as sure as the Sun riseth in the East,
Music also hath power to soothe the Savage Beast.


It’s Friday once again, which means that the Friday Ark is afloat once again. The 192nd Voyage is captained, as usual, by that most capable Modulator.

This Sunday, be sure to take time off from your Memorial Day Weekend festivities and stop by The M-Cats Club to check out the latest Carnival of the Cats.

Friday is not just Friday Ark day, of course. It’s Friday Random Ten day. And you know what that means... it’s time for me to post a list of ten Random Tunes coughed up by the iPod d’Elisson. And given the sort of crap I have on my iPod, “random” is about as good a description as anything else. Listening to my iPod puts me in mind of Forrest Gump’s mama, and her observation that life was like a box of chocolates: You never know what you’re gonna get.

“Random” is also a good way to describe this past week, a week divided between Houston and Atlanta. Sunday evening was Yet Another Winey Event, previously documented here. Monday evening was spent snarfing up deli at Lenny and Squiggy’s Kenny and Ziggy’s in the pleasant company of Nancy, ’Pup, and El Capitan, noteworthy Houston-area bloggers that I first met in Austin back in 2006. Tuesday evening, go-karting and laser tag with my Corporate Colleagues. Wednesday, crammed into a cramped window seat at the back of a Ca-Ca-Nental Silver Aerial Bus, headed home after two days of Salt Mine Togetherness. And Thursday, the usual dinner with the Minyan Gang.

But it’s Friday now. An especially sweet Friday, the Friday before a three-day weekend. Ahhhhhh.

What kind of music will we have to set the stage for that nice long weekend? Let’s just take a look:
  1. Hakumies - Alamaailman Vasarat

  2. How Many Hearts - Travis

  3. Elmer Fudd Kill Da Wabbit - Weird Al Yankovic

  4. Sploosh! - Ozric Tentacles

  5. UFO Tofu - Béla Fleck & The Flecktones

  6. Absinthe Party at the Fly Honey Warehouse - Minus The Bear

  7. Uncle Meat - Frank Zappa

  8. Long Tall Sally - The Beatles

  9. Killing In The Name - Rage Against The Machine

  10. Pilots - Goldfrapp

It’s Friday. What are you listening to?

Update: CotC #219 is up.

HER FAVORITE TOY

Hakuna appears to be a sedate dowager of a cat at first blush, but her Inner Kitten comes out as soon as she espies the bright red glow of the Laser-Dot.


Laser-DotKuna

Hakuna considers the Laser-Dot.

She’ll move like lightning, trying to grab it. And then, in moments like these, she’ll sit back and consider whether attaining the shimmering Object Of Her Desire is worth all that effort.

A fine metaphor for Human Existence, innit?

Thursday, May 22, 2008

MUSIC ENVY

Talk about being eaten up with Music Envy.

Tuesday evening, while I was enmeshed in one of those infernal “Team Building” activities with my colleagues from the Great Corporate Salt Mine - racing go-karts, eating barbecue, and playing laser tag - the Police were playing up in the Woodlands, a mere forty-five minutes away.

Their opening act? Elvis Costello and the Imposters.

Just Damn.

I’ve been listening to Mr. C since he released his first album in 1977 - purely by Perverse Chance, in the same month that Other Elvis rode his Porcelain Throne to eternity. And the Police provided the soundtrack to a good-sized chunk of my life in the early 1980’s onward.

I would have loved to see that show...but alas, it was not meant to be.

Meanwhile, who was there? Our department head, who took her sixteen-year-old daughter along for some Team Building of her own.

Music Envy. Try some today!

NATION OF PINHEADS

At our Corporate Whoop-de-Do this week, I grabbed a bottle of water out of the convenient bin and looked at the label. Ozarka water, it was, and it had a prominent green label on the back touting its new Eco-Shape™ bottle design.

Environmentally friendly, made with 30% less plastic than the average water bottle. Oh, boy! Save the whales! Collect them all, win valuable prizes!

I’m really not convinced there’s anything environmentally friendly about any kind of water bottle, since I can get perfectly good water right out of the tap without using any bottle at all. And if I want to schlep water around with me - ’cause everyone knows how hard it is to find water in this country - I can put it in a reusable water bottle. You know: the kind that has minimal environmental impact because you don’t throw the damn thing away after you’ve used it once.

Good Gawd, we have become a Nation of Pinheads.

We’ll buy those reusable grocery bags - we all want to protect the environment, right? - and then we’ll fill ’em up with bottled water, the most useless Value-Added Product the Madison Avenue marketing geniuses ever foisted upon the American public. I especially love the imported stuff. Fiji water, sucked out of a pristine spring half a world away, then shoved into a disposable plastic bottle and jammed into a container on a steamship to be transported 10,000 miles for your drinking pleasure.

The fact that the suppliers of Fiji water can spend all the money to do that and still make a profit by selling us something that comes out of the tap for practically free tells us how stupid we are.

We’ll happily spend a buck or more on a 20 ounce bottle of water - the equivalent of $6.40 a gallon. Now imagine a magical substance (let’s call it “Gazzo-Leen”), the same 20 ounces of which can push a two-ton chunk of metal, glass, and rubber three miles or more at more in less than three minutes. We’ll piss and moan about having to pay half of that $6.40 a gallon we spend on bottled water on this magical “Gazzo-Leen.”

We’ll piss and moan even more if we can’t buy however much “Gazzo-Leen” we want, whenever we want it.

Every aspect of our country’s infrastructure for the past 60 years or more has been built based on the assumption that we would have cheap petroleum-based energy forever.

Surprise! Eventually, if you assume enough, it makes an ass out of u and me.

In China and India, there are now a billion more people that are being lifted into the middle class by the powerful engine of world economic growth. One billion people...and that number is growing fast.

They all want the same bright ’n’ shiny stuff we’ve taken for granted for years. Cars. Televisions. Whisky. Flush toilets. Movies with plenty explosions and ficky-fick.

And now they’re buying oil, just like us. Which eats up supplies...and makes the prices go up.

Meanwhile, we’ve got our SUV’s to feed so we can commute to work on our Great Big Network o’ Interstate Highways. So let’s put more ethanol in our gas tanks, so we don’t need as much petroleum, why don’t we?

Hmmm, lessee. Ethanol is made from corn. In this country, at least, thanks to the powerful Corn Lobby.

Corn is a high-yield crop that sucks nutrients out of the soil, necessitating the use of chemical fertilizers.

Chemical fertilizers are made from petroleum.

We’re using oil to grow corn to replace oil. So: Just how fucking stupid are we?

Nation of Pinheads, I tell you.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

BOOKENDS


Genbaku-Domu


Twenty-three years ago, when She Who Must Be Obeyed and I visited Hawai‘i for the first time, we spent a goodly chunk of one day visiting the Pearl Harbor Memorial: the site where a devastating attack by Japanese forces compelled the United States to enter World War II.

It was a moving and sobering experience. Standing there over the sunken remains of the USS Arizona, oil from which continues to seep to the surface of the harbor, brought tears to our eyes. And as if that were not enough, there were veterans of that terrible morning among us, men grizzled with age and care, who were there to tell their own stories of what they saw, what they lived through on that day.

USS Arizona

Oil still seeps from the grave of the USS Arizona.

Seven years later we were back at Pearl Harbor, this time with Elder Daughter and the Mistress of Sarcasm in tow. Having been there once before did not make our second visit any less moving. In fact, now that the novelty of being in Hawai‘i was gone, we could focus more on the emotion of being in a place where so many lives had been lost, where such destruction had taken place.

It was a little strange to note the astonishing number of Japanese tourists....even more than had been there in 1985.

Pearl Harbor

Japanese tourists at Pearl Harbor, 1985.

Back in the early 1990’s, when the Japanese economy was flying high and Japanese sararimen were beginning to feel their oats, many of them dared to actually take vacations instead of working 24/7. Hawai‘i was, for them, a favorite destination for obvious geographic reasons...and Pearl Harbor, being of significant historical and touristic interest, was a frequent stopping place. They were, by and large, young people, people for whom the events of December 7, 1941 were the dry stuff of history books.

I could not truly begrudge their presence there, if for no other reason that the events of that day created the world we live in now, a world that includes a newly-rebuilt Japan arisen from the destruction of war, a Japan that has worked its way into the position of a first-world economic colossus. Learn about history, I thought, seeing them. Understand what happens when national interests collide. Understand that when you fuck with the bull, you get the horn.

Fast-forward sixteen years.

When Elder Daughter invited me to build the itinerary for our recent trip to Japan, I knew it would have to include a stop in Hiroshima.  It wasn’t only that I had known the story of that ill-fated city - the first city ever to suffer a nuclear attack - since I was a young Snot-Nose. It was because I wanted the other Bookend.

Bookends. Pearl Harbor at one end, Hiroshima at the other, enclosing a four-year shelf containing tomes filled with misery, death, and devastation. It was important that I see both ends of that terrible War-Shelf.

One month ago today, we were there... in that very place that, on August 6, 1945, was kissed by a man-made sun and turned into a charnel house.

Hiroshima is a City with a Mission these days. Its chief industry appears to be the promotion of world peace and disarmament, a sermon this city’s history uniquely qualifies it to preach.

The Peace Museum does not soft-soap Japan’s militarism or the events that led to the United States involvement in World War II. It appears to adopt a cool, analytical stance with respect to its portrayal of the events that culminated in Hiroshima’s selection as the first sacrifice to the Nuclear Gods. [Factors such as good weather and having suffered no prior bombing damage were critical. Low clouds saved Kokura from being Target #2; Nagasaki got that bomb instead.]


Museum Model

Diorama at the Peace Museum in Hiroshima shows the devastation wrought by “Little Boy” - a single 15-kiloton U-235 gun-method bomb detonating at 580 meters altitude. The red ball illustrates the size and position of the fireball one second after detonation, at which time it was 280 meters in diameter.

There are plenty of Western visitors to Hiroshima, and among them many Americans. Americans are not resented here, so many years after the Bomb - as is the case elsewhere in Japan, we are astonishingly well-liked. Maybe not a mirror image of things in Hawai‘i, but close enough.

The Genbaku Domu - the Atomic Bomb Dome, the former Prefectural Industrial Promotional Hall that was one of the few structures standing after the Bomb dropped - stands as a mute witness to terrible events, surrounded by the new city grown Phoenix-like around it. The vast number of people who died that day were victims of a chain of events that had been set in motion well before the attack at Pearl Harbor.

River and Dome

The Genbaku Domu, surrounded by a modern Hiroshima reborn from the ashes.

Victims Memorial

The Peace Memorial Hall for the Atomic Bomb Victims.

Hypocenter

The hypocenter...580 meters directly below where the Bomb went off.

I will not second-guess the people whose decision it was to drop that Bomb. The alternative, best as they could envision it, was a bloody, drawn-out invasion of the Home Islands, an invasion that would have killed far more Japanese than did the bombings at Hiroshima and Nagasaki. But Japanese lives were not the main consideration at that point. Victory - and American lives - were.

We looked past the thousands upon thousands of paper cranes, the uncountable memorials, the silent specter of the Genbaku Domu, to a vibrant city where the Hiroshima Carp were beginning a new baseball season and where we were greeted with smiles. We sat down and enjoyed a hole-in-the-wall lunch of okonomiyaki (a thin pancake covered with soba noodles, Hiroshima’s famous local oysters, bean sprouts, sweet soy sauce, and a thin omelette) and jizake (the local brew), and thought...of bookends.

Update: Call it synchronicity, but I find it fascinating that the golfer who just snagged his first PGA Tour win at the AT&T Classic (held last week at the TPC Sugarloaf northeast of Atlanta) was none other than Ryuji Imada, a native of (where else?) Hiroshima. Guy really knew how to bomb the fairways, I guess...

MAY GUILD EVENT

Agggh. Time for us long-suffering Sommelier Guild members to choke down yet another Winey Dinner.

This month’s event is the Guild’s Annual Banquet to be held this evening at Eno. I missed the banquet last May as the Missus and I were just returning from our Mini Family Reunion weekend in Washington, D.C. But this year, I just can’t seem to dodge this particular bullet.

Yeah, I know. Shed some crocodile tears for me.

Anyway, here’s the menu, with my favorite wines highlighted in red:

Speaker’s Wines/Appetizers

Schramsberg “J Schram” 1999
Domaine Carneros “Le Reve” 2000
Perrier-Jouet “Belle Epoque” 1999
Veuve Cliquot “La Grande Dame” 1996

Pâté canapé
Local greens, Skatadakis Farms yogurt mousse
Georgia shrimp, asparagus


First Flight

Walter Hansel Estate Chardonnay 2005
Antinori della Sala 2005
Domaine William Fevre Chablis Grand Cru “Les Preuses” 2002

Garganelli with lobster, English peas, Benton Farms ham, lemon

Second Flight

Fort Ross Pinot Noir “Fort Ross” 2004
Fred. Magnier Morey St. Denis “Clos Baulet” Cuvée Unique 1999
Mommessin Gevrey-Chambertin “Grande Exception” 2002

Duck breast, Vidalia onions, harissa jus

Third Flight

Caymus Cabernet Sauvignon 1995
Silver Oak Alexander Valley Cabernet Sauvignon 1997
Shafer Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignon 1997
Domaine de Chevalier Pessac-Léognan 2000

Spinella steak, carrot pinçage purée, pickled celery

Dessert

La Tour Blanche Premier Cru Sauternes 1990

Panna cotta, balsamic syrup

Lagniappe

Shafer Napa Valley Merlot 2001
Gevrey-Chambertin Premier Cru Les Combottes
Sichel Sauternes 2002

Ah, the things Denny and I endure on account of our Bloggy Art...

Update: I noted a minor change to the wine menu, as well as highlighting my favorites of the evening. In December, the Veuve Clicquot “La Grande Dame” edged out the Perrier-Jouet “Belle Epoque,” but this time the Cliquot was dull while the Perrier-Jouet sparkled. The Caymus, a last-minute addition, was the overwhelming star of the evening...but the Sauternes was excellent as well. The food was excellent, except for an indifferent first course...but slow service was an issue.

A splendid (and semi-rowdy) time was had by all. Except for Denny, who was a no-show. Oh, well: more for me.