Tuesday, May 13, 2008


This afternoon, She Who Must Be Obeyed and I joined the Mistress of Sarcasm and Gilad, the Mistress’s Significant Other, for a Food Shopping Expedition over at Harry’s Farmers Market (a subsidiary of Whole Paycheck Foods).

Harry’s is the place to go for exotic international foods, a great assortment of fruits and produce, and fine cheeses. The wine and beer section is superb, too. The prices have moved a bit north since Whole Foods got involved, but the price-to-quality ratio is still reasonable...and beside, it’s just plain fun to shop there once in a while.

There’s a lot of ready-to-serve stuff there too...salads, prepared dishes and the like. And this is where the Mistress saw something that revolted her.

An elderly woman was working her way around the store, gobbling up food out of the various prepared food displays. With her fingers. Even worse, she would lick her fingers, then go back to dip some more food out of the trough.


The Mistress and Gilad observed this nonsense for about ten minutes, but for some reason did not say anything to the woman. But when they told me the story, Mr. Busybodypants went up and watched her...until she started digging into another food trough.

I tried to be polite, and yet firm.

“Lady, what the fuck do you think you’re doing?” No, that’s not what I said. This is what I said, accompanied by a powerful blast of Stink-Eye:

“Ma’am, please stop doing that! Keep your fingers out of the food! Other people have to eat that stuff, too, you know!”

She was embarrassed, mumbling an apology and then making herself scarce.

I felt bad for her. She was no spring chicken, this lady, and while she didn’t have the feral look of the Homeless Wino about her, she wasn’t exactly Ritz-Carlton material either. Probably didn’t have an elevator that went all the way to the top. The wheel was turning, but the hamster was dead. May have needed to be in an institution, for all I know.

But if you’re hungry, ask for food. Hell, go ahead and steal food until the store catches you and has you arrested. Just keep your fucking grubby mitts out of the food displays, ya disgusting cunt. It violates the Social Contract.

There, I feel better now. But it’ll be a long time before I eat stuff that sits out for people to poke around in.

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