PIZZA

My e-mail is acting wonky these days. Messages are going astray, and I seem to be geeting a few that are intended for a different recipient. But sometimes that is a rich source of unexpected humor. Checkit:

MEMORANDUM

From:  Ned Holmes, Broadcast Standards and Practices

To:    Saatchi & Saatchi

Re:    Domino’s Pizza Advertising Campaign


We have reviewed the storyboards for the proposed Domino’s
Pizza advertising campaign and must insist on some edits.
Our comments on specific scenes and characters follow:

Guy with Big Nose (“Nothing like the smell of
Domino’s Cheesy Garlic Bread Pizza...”) –
Acceptable, but with reservations due to possible
concerns over offensive stereotyping.  Make sure
the actor does not portray the character as
being Jewish.
Guy with Big Mouth (“C’mon, man, it’s all
about the taste...”) –
Acceptable as is.
Possibly argumentative dialogue between
Guy with Big Nose and Guy with Big Mouth –
Acceptable, as long as there is no implied
probable escalation of the good-natured
argument into physical violence.  Be sure actors
smile as they deliver their lines.
Guy with Big Eyes (“Look at the cheese!”) –
Acceptable as is.
Guy with Big Ears (“Man, that sounds good...”) –
Acceptable as is, despite possible unpleasant
association with Ferengi aliens.  (Issue mainly
of concern among Star Trek nerds.)
Guy with Baseball Bat-Size Dick
(“This pizza is fucking great!”) –
Does not meet current standards.  Scene
must be cut in its entirety.
Please contact me immediately if there are any questions
about the required script/storyboard changes.


NLH:mos