Tuesday, February 27, 2007


My e-mail is acting wonky these days. Messages are going astray, and I seem to be geeting a few that are intended for a different recipient. But sometimes that is a rich source of unexpected humor. Checkit:


  Ned Holmes, Broadcast Standards and Practices

To:    Saatchi & Saatchi

Re:    Domino’s Pizza Advertising Campaign

We have reviewed the storyboards for the proposed Domino’s
Pizza advertising campaign
and must insist on some edits.
Our comments on specific scenes and characters follow:

  • Guy with Big Nose (“Nothing like the smell of
    Domino’s Cheesy Garlic Bread Pizza...”) –
    Acceptable, but with reservations due to possible
    concerns over offensive stereotyping. Make sure
    the actor does not portray the character as
    being Jewish.

  • Guy with Big Mouth (“C’mon, man, it’s all
    about the taste...”) –
    Acceptable as is.

  • Possibly argumentative dialogue between
    Guy with Big Nose and Guy with Big Mouth –
    Acceptable, as long as there is no implied
    probable escalation of the good-natured
    argument into physical violence. Be sure actors
    smile as they deliver their lines.

  • Guy with Big Eyes (“Look at the cheese!”) –
    Acceptable as is.

  • Guy with Big Ears (“Man, that sounds good...”) –
    Acceptable as is, despite possible unpleasant
    association with Ferengi aliens. (Issue mainly
    of concern among Star Trek nerds.)

  • Guy with Baseball Bat-Size Dick
    (“This pizza is fucking great!”) –
    Does not meet current standards. Scene
    must be cut in its entirety.

Please contact me immediately if there are any questions
about the required script/storyboard changes.


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