Denny, the Grouchy Old Cripple, took a joke I had sent him and reconfigured it to fit current events. I like the new version so much, I think I’ll go and steal it back...
When Abu Musab al-Zarqawi died, George Washington met him at the Pearly Gates. Washington slapped him across the face and yelled, “How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive!?”
Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, “You wanted to end our liberties - but you failed, asshole!”
James Madison followed, kicked him hard in the groin and said, “This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense!”
Thomas Jefferson was next. He waited until al-Zarqawi had stopped retching after Madison’s blow to his nuts. Then he started wailing on al-Zarqawi with a long cane, snarling, “It was evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence.”
The beatings and thrashings continued as George Mason, James Monroe and 66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on the terrorist leader.
Finally, as Abu Musab al-Zarqawi lay bleeding and in pain, the Angel Gabriel appeared. Al-Zarqawi wept and said, “This is not what you promised me!”
Gabriel replied, “I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you in Heaven. What the fuck did you think I said?”
[Cross-posted at The Dead Pool.]