JACKASS PANTS

Elisson models a classic Jackass Jacket.

Last month, as we were wandering around the Silver Sands Outlet mall in Destin (a favorite pastime when we’re not lounging around on the beach or drinking), I took a quick stroll through Brooks Brothers, long-time home of Notoriously Republican Clothing. That’s where I saw this lovely Jackass Jacket.

Brooks Brothers, it should be explained, is a purveyor of clothing for the Gentleman (or Lady) of Extremely Conservative Tastes. Three-button sack suits are popular today, but at BB, they’ve never gone out of style. Button-down oxford shirts? Get ’em right here. Rep ties? Hell, yes.

If you have a jones for a seersucker suit, the kind of suit that Southern gentlemen have worn on hot summer days for generations, you can find one just for you at Brooks Brothers. You can even get a jaunty straw hat to wear with it, Strom.

And Jackass Pants.

What? You’ve never seen Jackass Pants? Oh, of course you have. Hang out at any country club. Any prep school. Any Ivy League fraternity (or eating club, in the case of Princeton). You will eventually see someone sporting those infamous patchwork bleeding Madras-cloth pants, the kind that overheat the retina and pain the brain. Jackass Pants. Only Republicans need apply.

And here I found a fine Sport Jackass Jacket to go with ’em.

My Daddy used to own a pair of Jackass Pants. I think he may have used ’em to play golf in...at least, until the rest of his foursome told him to knock it off, as the stress of having to hold back laughter on the tee-box was interfering with their play. Or until they suffered an unfortunate Dry-Cleaning “Accident”...

...and it’s just as well, because it’s against the law in most states to wear Jackass Pants if you have voted Democrat within the past four Presidential elections. Believe me: they check.

Now, there’s irony for you: Clothing bearing the name of the symbol of the Democratic Party...yet only Republicans, it seems, would be caught dead in it.

Admit it. Don’t you want a pair of Jackass Pants of your very own?

Jackass is the new black!