Sunday, March 04, 2007


Well, it looks as though a gaggle of stupid fucking idiots Intrepid Online Journalists will converge on Claxton, Georgia next weekend for the annual Rattlesnake Roundup.

Claxton is perhaps best known as being one of the premier sites for the manufacture of inedible doorstops fruitcakes. It’s a distinction it shares with Corsicana, Texas. However, Claxton edges out Corsicana on the Notoriety Index owing to its well-deserved historical reputation as a Speed Trap.

As to the Snakey Component of the weekend, I am no stranger to these sorts of things. Years ago, we lived in a small community in Connecticut, a mere seven miles southeast of Hartford yet a world away, culturally. Once a year, on the east side of town, the locals would gather to roust the rattlers from a rocky slope that had, over time, become Snake Breeding Central. This was Connecticut, mind you. Most of the snakes likely ended up as Rattlesnake Chowdah.

But I have my dark suspicions about this Claxton event, as does SWMBO. Most likely, it will be a typical Small-Town Festival sort of affair (the Ellijay Apple Festival comes to mind) where local artisans and merchants set up booths to flog emesis-inducing oil paintings of sad-eyed clowns, tree stumps carved into the likeness of bears, and the Ubiquitous Funnel Cake.

Should the event turn out to be a bust, we can always fall back on Plan B: Head back into Savannah, and suck dry the entire inventory of Johnny Ganem’s whilst watching Catfish compose blogposts a capella.

Yeah, we’ll need that Plan B, for chances are that in Claxton, snakes will likely be Thin On The Ground...

...and that may not be a Bad Thing.

[Proceed at your own risk!]


Comedy, it is not pretty. Neither is a Rattlesnake Bite.

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