ERIC, AT YOUR SERVICE

[Being a recap, more or less, of the recent Hysterics at Eric’s in the style of the Straight White One’s favorite poet.]

There are strange things done in the Blog-World, son
By the peeps who write their posts;
The Internet quails to hear the tales
When they drink their many toasts;
The Tennessee heights have seen weird sights,
But the weirdest of all - Oh, my -
Was deep in October when we all came over
To party with Straight White Guy.
Now Eric the Red was Tennessee-bred, where the cotton blooms and blows.
He opened his home to the bloggers that roam - why he did it, Gawd only knows.
But I heard him say it was his birthday, a good time to celebrate,
So we cleaned up our hides and got in our rides, saying, “Boy, this is gonna be great!”

I really don’t know who the first was to show, over there in the Englewood glens.
I know Jimbo was there (with Farookin’ Great Hair™), driving down with his bodyguard, Ken.
Next, the Grouchy Old Cripple, who posts pictures of nipples (it’s Saturday Boobage, you see)
Drove up in his fast car, bringing his gee-tar, to sing about Raccoon Rocky.

Zonker then made the show, with Caltechgirl in tow - the Neurobiologist Lady.
Bringing Good, Good Juju was the famous Yabu - “Cool Runnings” to you, Sammy baby!
And close behind them was the great RSM, who can navigate (when the smoke clears),
Then came That 1 Guy, with the twinkling eye and the Brain that Containeth the Beers.

As if that’s not enough, then Boudicca showed up, with Morrigan firmly in tow.
(Mo is Boudicca’s sister, who’ll be hitched to a Mister just a few months from now, don’tcha know.)
With them came Sissy - a most lovely missy - who wanted to see What was Next,
And, in NASCAR leather, dodging Ohio weather, the one and the only Redneck.

Now, wouldn’t you know, here came ol’ Johnny-Oh, a Closeted sort of Extremist,
And Velociman up from Jacksonville ran, to brag ’bout the size of his penis.
Teresa joined in, with her infectious grin, to hang with the rest of us nuts.
Sure enough, here came Dax (always cool to the max) with the fixin’s for Redheaded Sluts.

Of course, we all knew that Recondo Three-Two would arrive with Miss Georgia, his wife.
She said, “Never fear! We will have enough beer!” There’s a lady that lives the High Life.
Almost last to arrive (’twas a two-hour drive) was Elisson and his wife SWMBO.
Tommy made an appearance, then a rapid out-clearance, for off to his job he had to go.

We were more than twenty, and with liquor aplenty, the stories and bullshit did flow.
Yabu pulled a rocket from out of his pocket, and, boy, did it make quite a show.
Landing on Eric’s roof (it’s the Gawd’s honest truth!), it was Johnny-Oh came to the rescue.
But to climb to such heights - well, it just isn’t right, cause the booze coulda caused a Bad Miscue.

And then, just for fun, Recondo brought guns - the kind that shoot gumbands for ammo.
Emboldened by Scotch, I shot V-Man’s crotch. He shoulda been wearing some camo.
All of us, we called dibs on those delicious ribs, the ones that old Eric was grillin’
They were cooked to perfection, that Meaty Selection, and I’m here to tell you, ’twas fillin’.

No ifs, ands, or buts: we drank Redheaded Sluts, and Jim’s choc’ late vodka was tasty.
Fiona drank lots of those dangerous shots, and by four in the morning got “wasty.”
Eric got him a shovel and stalked out to the hovel where Dax and Yabu lay asleep,
Resolved to bring strife. “Who’s that tanked up my wife?” But nary a one made a peep.

Sunday morning dawned clear with the funk of stale beer, the bloggers on unsteady legs.
Jim and Ken grabbed a pan and fried up Taylor ham, and Elisson scrambled some eggs.
To the breakfasted crew we all bid an adieu - goodbye, Eric and Fiona dear...
You’d be hard-pressed to find a couple more kind. Happy Birthday! Let’s do this next year!

There are strange things done in the Blog-World, son
By the peeps who write their posts;
The Internet quails to hear the tales
When they drink their many toasts;
The Tennessee heights have seen weird sights,
But the weirdest of all - Oh, my -
Was deep in October when we all came over
To party with Straight White Guy.