Tuesday, November 29, 2005


The other day, as I made my near-daily stop at the Local Bagel Emporium, I noticed a couple of police cruisers parked outside. Sure enough, several members of Cobb County’s Finest were inside, enjoying their bagels...and whatever it is cops put on bagels.

This was a great source of quiet amusement for me.

What is the mystical attraction between the Constabulary and Toroidal Foodstuffs, anyway? The relationship between Peace Officers and Doughnuts is already well established and familiar to all: in a test of Free Association, cops and doughnuts go together about as well as bears and defecation. But doughnuts are doughnuts, and bagels are bagels. They are, at the heart of things, quite different, although they share a Common Topology. They are both Toruses: one of fried dough, the other boiled.

Yet here, before my very eyes, was evidence that shamuses did not restrict themselves to doughnuts. Bagels were, apparently, on the Precinct Menu as well. And this got me to wondering.

Perhaps it is not the Breadstuff that is important. Perhaps it is the hole, common to both foods.

Perhaps because Police Officers must occasionally blow holes in people, they relish foods that also have holes. Swiss cheese? Doughnuts and bagels, for sure.

After you’ve pondered this issue long enough, here’s another one for your Perfervid Brain: do wrestlers eat pretzels? And, if so, why?

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