FOOD MOOM

Now that Thanksgiving is (mercifully) past us, it’s time to think about food yet again. Namely, what can we do to avoid it?

This little questionnaire won’t help. I’ve shown my preferences in boldface, with commentary as appropriate.

1. CHEESE or CHOCOLATE? Impossible. They’re both favorites...but cheese, absent other nourishment, would keep me alive longer.
   
2. BLUEBERRIES or STRAWBERRIES? No contest, for me.
   
3. COFFEE or TEA? Coffee gets the nod, but I like ’em both.
   
4. CORN MUFFIN or ENGLISH MUFFIN? With the exception of the corn muffins at Greenwood’s...and Dugan’s Corn Toastettes of blessed memory.
   
5. PANCAKES or FRENCH TOAST? If I gotta choose.
   
6. YOGURT or CREAM CHEESE? If I’m eating it by itself.
   
7. RICE or PASTA?
   
8. CAKE or PIE?
   
9. GROUND BEEF or GROUND TURKEY? Yeah, I know the turkey’s better for me.
   
10. HOT DOGS or HAMBURGERS? Nothing beats a hefty Kosher dinner frank. But then again...
    
11. JELLY or MARMALADE?
    
12. AMERICAN CHEESE or SWISS CHEESE?
    
13. DIET SODA or NO SODA? I’ll drink diet soda, but these days, my intake of Carbonated Beverages is on the wane.
    
14. LEMONADE or ICED TEA? Why not both at the same time, Mr. Palmer?
    
15. CHERRIES or GRAPES? Ya hadda ask?
    
16. CHOCOLATE QUIK or STRAWBERRY QUIK? You gotta be fucking kidding.
    
17. WAFFLES or PANCAKES? Aw, c’mon, I gotta pick just one?
    
18. WHITE BREAD or WHOLE-GRAIN/WHEAT BREAD?
    
19. PEAS or CARROTS? I like ’em both.
    
20. PUDDING or FRUIT-FLAVORED GELATIN? Give me a break, will ya?
    
21. COLD CEREAL or HOT CEREAL? Again, I like ’em both.
    
22. KETCHUP or MUSTARD? Mustard is a bit more versatile. Whoever heard of ketchup-crusted salmon?
    
23. MUSTARD or MAYONNAISE? Except on cold chicken or turkey.
    
24. MAYONNAISE or KETCHUP? Except on cold chicken or turkey.
    
25. BLACK OLIVES or GREEN OLIVES? If you’re talking about those nasty California black olives. But Greek olives? Oil cured olives? Another story.
    
26. ONION or GARLIC? Not really a fair question, is it? Both are Essential Foods.
    
27. PLAIN BARBECUE or BARBECUE WITH SAUCE? Assuming you mean beef brisket or sausage. Ribs, I prefer without the goop.
    
28. SCRAMBLED EGGS or FRIED EGGS?
    
29. EGGS or EGG REPLACEMENTS?
    
30. MEAT or VEGETABLES? No frickin’ contest. A Vegan I’m not.
    
31. CHINESE TAKE-OUT or PIZZA?
    
32. SUSHI or DELI SANDWICH? Love ’em both. Sushi gets the nod for health reasons...although I’ll never turn down a pastrami, tongue, and chopped liver on rye.
    
33. WHITE CLAM CHOWDER or RED CLAM CHOWDER? Neither of which I have any business eating.
    
34. KEY LIME PIE or LEMON MERINGUE PIE? If made with real Key limes. But Greenwood’s (again!) has a killer lemon meringue that has the same punchy tartness of a good key lime pie.
    
35. PIE & ICE CREAM or CAKE & ICE CREAM?
    
36. WHIPPED CREAM or CAKE FROSTING? Only real whipped cream need apply.
    
37. HONEY or MAPLE SYRUP? Bees or trees? Honey has a slight edge, but real maple syrup is hard to beat.
    
    Tip o’ th’ Elisson fedora to Caltechgirl (Not Exactly Rocket Science) for this tasty moom.