A is for Asshole, tucked deep in my pants.
B is for Bad; it’s the way that I dance.
C is for Cockroach, living under the sink.
D is for Dogshit: hoo, boy, does it stink!
E is for Eli, that Daddy of mine.
F is for FUBAR, like I am all the time.
G is for Gonif: that’s Yiddish for thief.
H is for Hanger, a fine cut of beef.
I is for Itch, relieved when I scratches.
J is for Junk-Mail, arriving in batches.
K is for Klepto (see “Gonif” above).
L is for Lust, but it’s also for Love.
M is for Monkey, our simian sibling.
N is for Numbnuts. To be one’s no good thing.
O is for Ordure, that’s shit in the street.
P is for Penis. To have one is neat.
Q is for Queef; it’s a rude sort of sound.
R is for Rectum; its outlet is round.
S is for Salt-Mine, the place where I work.
T is for Turd. In punchbowls it may lurk.
U is for Ugly. Michael Moore with pants off.
V is for Vicks. It’s f’cold and f’cough.
W is for Wax, which in Ears you may find.
X is for Xanax; it eases the mind.
Y is for Young, new-arrived on the Earth.
Z is for Zilch, which is what this shit’s worth.
[Tip o’ th’ Elisson fedora to the Goober Queen. I took her idea and crapped all over it.]