Tuesday, May 29, 2007


I’m enough of a dinosaur that I still like to read the newspaper every day. An actual hard-copy paper.

We have a newspaper delivered to Chez Elisson every day, rain or shine. Sometime around 5:30 every morning, the route man cruises by and tosses the paper in our driveway. Yeah, it would be nice if he’d put it on the stoop at our side entrance, but that’s not how it works around here. Most of the time, it’ll end up in the middle of the driveway. Occasionally, it will be in the grass at the side of the driveway.

Typically, I’ll drive off to morning Minyan, than pick the paper up when I return. And, try as I might not to run over the paper as I leave, I will do so now and then.

Not a big deal most of the time. It’s just a newspaper, right?


Sometimes, in a gesture of Advertising Beneficence, the geniuses who package the newspaper in that convenient plastic sack - a sack that generally provides adequate protection against rain, its main function - will include Free Samples of advertised products along with the paper.

Inevitably, when there is a Free Sample in the newspaper sack, I will choose that day to run over the paper with the Elissonmobile. It’s practically a Law of Nature.

So it was this past Friday. I nailed the paper perfectly on my way to Minyan...in the process, squashing the three little boxes of cold cereal with which the fine people of General Mills had chosen, on that selfsame day, to gift our household.


The tragic aftermath.

I mourn not the loss of the Multi-Grain Cheerios. I mourn not the loss of the Honey-Nut Cheerios. These are, after all, mere Sugar-Jacked Pretenders to the Cheerios throne.

But alas, I weep for that little box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

Sure, it’s basically a kid’s cereal, full of sugar and empty of serious nutrition. But Cinnamon Toast Crunch is a guilty pleasure, one that I no longer permit myself to purchase in grocery-store quantities, lest I snarf an entire box up in a single sitting. A Free Sample is just the thing, permitting me a modest degree of enjoyment.

I wonder if it tastes good when reduced to a fine powder? Perhaps I should call upon Powdered (Cinnamon) Toast Man for assistance...

Update: I opened the package of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and found - you guessed it - Cinnamon Powdered Toast Crunch. But with a little milk, it tasted just fine. Hardly any driveway gravel to spit out.

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