Wednesday, August 12, 2009


I, like so many people, know that regular exercise is an important part of a healthy lifestyle. But let’s face it: Most exercise is boring. Jogging? Running on a treadmill? I’d sooner drive tenpenny nails into my head.

A few months ago, as I was pondering the question of how to make workouts interesting enough so that they would be fun instead of a chore, I fell into a gentle slumber. And, as I slumbered, I had a vision... a vision of a dapper, yet minuscule gentleman in a blazer, his captain’s cap cocked at a jaunty angle, paddling a tiny rowboat across a small pond with sparkling blue waters.

And that’s what inspired me to combine a necessary (yet mildly unpleasant) Household Task with the principles of cardiovascular conditioning, all within the disciplinary framework of Asian martial arts. Presented for your delectation: Tae D Bo™!

Tae D Bo is the new martial arts sensation that's sweeping the nation. Only Tae D Bo can improve your cardiac fitness while simultaneously rendering your toilets sparkling clean.

“What’s that?” you say. “Elisson, on a toilet kick again?”

Well I’ll cop to some previous adventures that may have been in questionable taste... not the least of which was the infamous Punchbowl Meme. But this is different. Just how different, I am not prepared to say.

Tae D Bo is simple and requires no special equipment - just a regular toilet brush. Using our special martial arts techniques, you’ll learn how to use that brush to not only keep your Porcelain Throne sparkling clean, but to give yourself a pulse-pounding, heart-healthy workout in the process! And, as you rack up Tae D Bo achievements and pass your Training Milestones, you’ll receive awards, such as the coveted Black Brush!

Listen to what some of our enthusiastic fans have been inspired to say:

I once had a bowl that just stank
No tidy-bowl man in my tank
Then I got me a brush
You can swish and then flush
Now my crapper is no longer rank

To clean up the place where I sat
I put on my colander hat
A vigorous brush
and additional flush...
It just don’t get better than that

Is there no one else here who will play
A Tae D Bo round on this day?
Then I’ll brush and I’ll flush
Though I am in a rush
The rest must doodoo as they may

- Libby

All I can say is,
There’s a strange, ineluctable beauty
In poetry written ’bout doodie.

And so, I must respond with a few “pot shots” of my own:

Brusha brusha brusha
Flusha flusha flusha
Tae D Bo - your cardio
Gives me sucha rusha

Don’t be a slob -
Pick up that swab
And scrub it ’til it’s shiny
Then get your thing
Into the ring
Where I will beat your heinie

It’s great to be healthy and physically fit
And to have a clean toilet - no traces of shit

Whenever you feel that Exercise-Hunger
Pick up a brush, or a Toilet-Plunger
Wave it around and work up a sweat
A better workout routine, you’ve never met

Other folks may run on treadmills
Their ellipticals give them rushes
But those in the know
On Team Tae D Bo
Get their rushes from flushes and brushes

Porcelain Grace, how sweet the sound
Since my Tae D Bo brush I have found
I like to swish it round and round
It helps my healthy heart to pound

* * * * *

Now: your turn. What kind of poetry can Tae D Bo inspire you to create?

Strong Hearts - Clean Toilets! Tae D Bo!

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