Wednesday, August 13, 2008


There’s a headline you don’t see every day.

I’m not proud to admit that in my Snot-Nose Days, I created my share of havoc-wreaking turds. Whether it was my low-fiber diet, the specific configuration of my fundament, or a Perfect Storm-like combination of the above, I was a Past Master at dropping enormous loaves that would necessitate the use of our trusty Plumber’s Helper. I am, of course, pleased to report that this is no longer a routine concern...but it did create its share of excitement back in the day.

Newsworthy, though? Not really.

Yet “Turd Wreaks Havoc” is not only a real headline, it’s an abbreviated one. The full version, as ripped from today’s Inter-Webby Net, reads “Giant Inflatable Turd Escapes, Wreaks Havoc.”

I’m sure there’s an entire legion of headline editors that will go out tonight and get drunk, so giddy are they at having the opportunity to write a headline like that...for a real news story.
A powerful gust of wind recently swept a house-sized sculpture of dog feces from its display outside a Swiss museum, an art official in Berne said Monday...

The massive inflatable sculpture, created by U.S. contemporary artist Paul McCarthy and titled Complex Shit, is part of the Paul Klee Centre’s exhibit East of Eden: A Garden Show.
Heh. You never know what you’ll find in your garden, eh?

According to the article, the house-sized turd-balloon broke the window of an orphanage before being falling to the ground. (I had had a mental image of the Fearsome Floating Feces being wrestled to earth by a team of butt-crack Turd-Wranglers, but no such luck.) One can only wonder at the psychological damage those orphans suffered, gaping slack-jawed and pants-pissing terrified as they watched the enormous Doom-Dung’s silent but deadly approach...

One can also wonder at what the Art World is coming to. Imagine...a house-sized Bogus Turd as a museum piece. Did it come with a stadium-sized punchbowl? Now, that’s something I would’ve paid to see.

Turd in a punchbowl
All chunky and brown;
Turd in a punchbowl
As big as a town!

[Thanks to El Crapitan El Capitan for finding this heart-warming little story.]

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