Friday, August 22, 2008


Anyone remember seeing one of these?

Bosco Bear

Bosco Bear, lovingly preserved by the Other Elisson.

Why, it’s Bosco Bear!

Back in my Snot-Nose Days, there were several brands of chocolate drink mixes competing for the consumer dollar. You had powders: Nestlé Quik, Hershey’s, and Ovaltine (which tasted only vaguely of chocolate). On the syrup side, you had the venerable Hershey’s Syrup, sold in steel cans with the iconic Hershey brown and silver trade dress. You had Bosco and Cocoa Marsh...and you had Fox’s U-Bet.

Allegiances were a serious matter, as engrained in a family’s collective soul as their political leanings. Never mind whether you were an Eisenhower Republican or a Stevenson Democrat...were you for Bosco, or (gag) Cocoa Marsh? Or one of those weird Five Towns frummie families who bought only Fox’s U-Bet?

We, as a family, voted the Bosco ticket. Hershey’s was OK, but it was only sold in steel cans into which you punched openings with a church key. Old syrup tended to accumulate in the openings, forming a nasty black crust. Ecch.

But Bosco came in its own special glass jar with the “Bosco” name molded right into the glass. No need to punch holes in the handy-dandy metal screw top, which meant no nasty black crust. Much less mess...unless you dropped the fucking thing on the kitchen linoleum, whereupon it would explode like a chocolatey A-bomb.

If you lived in a house full of serious neatniks, you could get a special pump dispenser that replaced the regular jar lid. Two or three squirts of that pump, and it was Chocolate Milk o’Clock.

And if the pump dispenser was too High Rent for you, you could get Bosco Bear. Not a mere mascot, but a decorative plastic Bear Head that you could purchase (for about 25¢) to use in lieu of the standard screw-top. Not only did it have a convenient pouring spout under the snap-off cap, but when you got sick unto death of drinking Bosco, you could punch a slot in the back and convert the empty Bosco jar into a savings bank!

They still make Bosco. But nowadays they sell it in convenient, unbreakable plastic squeeze bottles. No soul whatsoever. And today’s Bosco Bear looks like a goddamn gangsta-redneck hybrid with his lopsided smile and stupid-ass gimme cap. Douchebag.

At least (gag) Cocoa Marsh had the decency to die a natural death.

1 comment:

Stalkee said...

My husband is still waiting for his Bosco pump to come in the mail!