Thursday, August 21, 2008


No, this is not a political post...although given our options in the upcoming presidential elections, the title might’ve been apropos...

What I’m referring to is the juxtaposition of two seemingly random, unrelated events that, taken together, would seem to indicate an epidemic of Major Dumbassery.

First, we have the story of idiot windsurfer Kevin Kearney, who, in an act of Blithering Genius, harnessed himself to a kite and went windsurfing in the midst of a tropical storm...with predictable results. A gust of wind picked him up, flung him through the air, and smashed him against a concrete wall.

The whole thing was captured on video:


Kearney is apparently showing signs of improvement after having been admitted to the hospital in critical condition. Which, for better or worse, means that he still may have a chance to pass his DNA on to another generation. I weep for our species.

There’s a lot of Stupid Shit going around. Just last week, credulous reporters gathered at a press conference to hear Matthew Whitton and Rick Dyer tell them about finding a defunct Bigfoot in the forests of North Georgia.

When I first saw the photograph of said Alleged Bigfoot Corpse crammed into its Sasquatch Sarcophagus, I said to She Who Must Be Obeyed, “That’s a frozen gorilla suit stuffed with organ meats. What bullshit.”

As it happens, I was close. “Bigfoot” turned out to be a gorilla suit. Some accounts state that it was stuffed with small snimals...all dead, of course. Feh.

Surprise, surprise.

That any news organization bothered to send anyone to hear these two clowns is a blot on our National Escutcheon.

But there’s more. An organization that calls itself Searching for Bigfoot, Inc. (based in California - where else?) actually coughed up $50k to Whitton and Dyer for the rights to the story. They’re now suing to get their money back. Good luck, morons. Our two Intrepid Sasquatch-Searchers are now nowhere to be found.

What is worse? That “Searching for Bigfoot” got screwed, or that such an organization exists in the first place?

As Steve H. says, “There is no bigfoot. There is no yeti. There is no Loch Ness monster. We aren't being visited by aliens.”

And I will add: There is, as well, no Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, or Santa Claus. But the Dopopulace must have their myths.

Whitton, meanwhile, has been fired from his job with the Clayton County (Georgia) police department. Ostensibly, it’s for violating the law by pulling a hoax for financial gain, thereby damaging the stature of the police department...but it could just as well be for rank stupidity. Just what Clayton County needs...another scandal.

It’s a constant source of amazement to me. No matter how full our stomachs, none of us can resist taking a few bites from the old Stupid Loaf.

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