NAILED BY THE MISTRESS

[The Mistress of Sarcasm has been collecting a few...er, random observations about her old Dad over the years, and I have graciously opened up Blog d’Elisson to her to that she may share them with you, my kind readers.

So without further ado, I present (drum roll) the Mistress of Sarcasm, guest poster:]

Dad’s unforgettable, sometimes inappropriate, often used in a compulsive Tourette’s-like manner, list of quotables...

1) “Jesus Creeping Shit!”
2) “Looks like someone’s been chewin’ on the stupid loaf.”
3) “Christ on a crutch!”
4) “What a smacked-ass.”
5) “You twat.” (amongst other utterly inappropriate terms used to describe the female anatomy)
6) “Fuck a duck.”
7) “Fucktard.”
8) “That would cause us all to be ashamed.”
9) “I am the nice one.”

(Side note: Yours Truly spent her entire childhood believing that Items 8 and 9 were Original Dad Comments only to find out - with much dismay, mind you - through increased social awareness, that they were indeed references to a book and a movie. How disappointing.)

10) “Douchebag.”
11) “Fu-hu-huhk.”
12) “Looks like ya screwed the pooch.”
13) “Ohshit.” (To be used strictly when sneezing. Must be as concealed as best as possible with normal sneeze sound so as not to upset those around him, especially my mother. How considerate.)

[Elisson here. All of this stuff is true. Now, for extra credit...what book, and what movie?]