WELCOME TO STUPIDVILLE

That’s the sign you see when you enter Newark, Delaware. Or at least, it should be.

The Grey Lady reports on yet another incident in which a well-intentioned but stupidly-written Zero Tolerance Policy resulted in a six-year-old getting suspended from school for 45 days. Young Zachary Christie’s crime? Bringing

...a camping utensil that can serve as a knife, fork and spoon to school. He was so excited about recently joining the Cub Scouts that he wanted to use it at lunch. School officials concluded that he had violated their zero-tolerance policy on weapons, and Zachary was suspended and now faces 45 days in the district’s reform school.

Brilliant, just fucking brilliant.

Zero tolerance policies sound good. Administrators like ’em because they purportedly reduce opportunities for discrimination in the enforcement of school rules and policies... and they require exactly zero brains to administer. None of that strenuous “thinking” or “judgment” need come into play. Just enforce the policy, is all ya gotta do. Easy peasy!

I sure am happy these harebrained policies didn’t exist when I was a young Snot-Nose. I would have been thoroughly fucked.

As for little Zachary, my only advice at this point? Don’t drop the soap, kid.