Wednesday, October 21, 2009


There’s a new taste sensation... and it’s soon gonna be sweeping the nation.

I’ve often heard it said - hell, I’ve said it myself - that everything tastes better fried. Think about it: Have you ever had anything fried that didn’t taste good? Or at least better than its unfried counterpart?

Southern fried chicken versus broiled chicken? Southern fried wins.

Doughnut versus slice of pound cake? Doughnut wins.

Fried filet of flounder versus broiled fish? Fried wins.

Hell, the Mexicans fry their ice cream... and the Scots will fry damn near anything. Deep-fried candy bars? Aw, hell yes. Deep-fried pizza? Of course.

The only reason we don’t fry every damn thing we eat - like breakfast cereal - is because everything would taste so good, we’d never leave the table to accomplish any meaningful work. Plus, we’d all weigh half a metric ton and would have to hire people with wet mops to clean us after we crapped our living room-sized beds... which would be located as close as possible to the kitchen. No: that way lies madness.

But I digress. We were talking about a new taste sensation, weren’t we?

It was only a matter of time before somebody figured out that gefilte fish - that classic staple of the Ashkenazic Jewish table - would also taste better fried.

It’s a simple dish, really. Just take slices or loaves of gefilte fish, dip in egg wash, and coat with a suitable breading. Panko is fine, but for real authenticity, why not use matzoh meal? Season it with salt and pepper, blend well, and you’re ready to coat your fish. Then drop it into a deep fryer until golden brown.

What type of gefilte fish you use is up to you. That crap in the jars? Fine. Better yet, use the frozen loaves available in many supermarkets. Poach or bake the fish so it’s in ready-to eat form before frying, and you’re good to go.

Don’t forget to serve plenty of horseradish along with your fish. Or, given how well tartar sauce goes with other kinds of fried fish, why not make up a horseradish tartar sauce? Blend some mayo with a spoonful or two of pickle relish, then add white prepared horseradish (drained and pressed dry, preferably) to taste.

What do I call this wonderful new dish?

Hush Guppies, of course.

[Tip o’ th’ Elisson fedora to Nancy Isenberg, who has actually experienced the glory of Fried Gefilte Fish. Yowza!]

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