It’s Fuzzy Friday!
Fridays are fuzzy days, and not just because I wake up with the usual overnight growth of face-stubble. No, it’s because Friday is the day the aptly-named Friday Ark sets sail each week at the Modulator. This week marks the 103rd sailing - be sure to go over and pay a visit to our Animal Friends.
As long as we’re on the subject of Animal Companions, don’t forget Carnival of the Cats, the 129th edition of which will be posted Sunday evening at Begin Each Day As If It Were On Purpose, the home of Orloff and Pushkin.
[Update: CotC #129 is up.]
Back to the topic at hand: Friday. Friday is also Random Ten day, the day on which I post the usual motley selection culled randomly from the iPod d’Elisson. So without further ado, let’s have a listen...
- The Pipe - Mitch Hedberg
- Dona Dona - Moishe Oysher and Sholom Secunda
- Woman In The Garden - The Judybats
- Little Green - Joni Mitchell
- Hulk Hogan (live) - Skankin’ Pickle
- Friday On My Mind - Easybeats
- Buddy Holly - Weezer
- Venus In Furs - The Velvet Underground
- You Won’t Succeed On Broadway - Monty Python’s Spamalot
Arthur:
Have you heard of this “Broadway”?
Robin:
Yes, sire...and we don’t stand a chance there.
Arthur:
Why not?
Robin:
Because...Broadway is a very special place,
filled with very special people,
people who can sing and dance, often at the same time!
They are a different people, a multi-talented people,
a people...who need people...and who are, in many ways, the
luckiest people in...the world. I’m sorry, sire, but we don’t have a chance.
Arthur:
But why?
Robin:
Well...let me put it like this.
In any great adventure,
if you don’t want to lose,
victory depends upon the people that you choose.
So, listen, Arthur darling, closely to this news:
We won’t succeed on Broadway,
If we don’t have any Jews.
You may have the finest sets,
Fill the stage with Penthouse pets,
You may have the loveliest costumes and best shoes.
You may dance and you may sing,
But I am sorry, Arthur King,
You’ll hear no cheers,
Just lots and lots of boos.
Ensemble:
Boo.
Robin:
You may have have butch men by the score
Whom the audience adore,
You may even have some animals from zoos,
Though you’ve Poles and krauts instead,
You may have unleavened bread,
But I tell you, you are dead,
If you don’t have any Jews.
They won’t care if it’s witty,
or everything looks pretty,
They’ll simply say it’s shitty and refuse.
Nobody will go, sir,
If it’s not kosher then no show, sir,
Even Goyim won’t be dim enough to choose!
Put on shows that make men stare,
With lots of girls in underwear,
You may even have the finest of reviews.
Critic:
You’re doing great!
Robin:
The audiences won’t care, sir
As long as you don’t dare, sir,
To open up on Broadway
If you don’t have any Jews.
You may have dramatic lighting,
Or lots of horrid fighting,
You may even have some white men sing the blues!
Your knights may be nice boys,
But sadly, we’re all goys,
And that noise that you call singing you must lose.
So, despite your pretty lights,
and naughty girls in nasty tights,
and the most impressive scenery you use...
You may have dancing man-a-mano,
You may bring on a piano,
But they will not give a damn-o
If you don’t have any Jews!
You may fill your plays with gays,
Have Nigerian girls in stays,
Girls:
You may even have some shiksas making stews!
Robin:
You haven’t got a clue,
If you don’t have a Jew,
All of your investments you are going to lose!
There’s a very small percentile,
Who enjoys a dancing gentile,
I’m sad to be the one with this bad news!
But never mind your swordplay,
You just won’t succeed on Broadway,
You just won’t succeed on Broadway,
If you don’t have any Jews!
Arthur, can you hear me?
To get along on Broadway,
To sing a song on Broadway,
To hit the top on Broadway and not lose,
I tell you, Arthur King,
There is one essential thing...
There simply must be, simply must be Jews.
There simply must be,
Arthur trust me,
Simply must be Jews! - The Caves Of Altamira - Steely Dan
I recall when I was small
How I spent my days alone
The busy world was not for me
So I went and found my own
I would climb the garden wall
With a candle in my hand
I’d hide inside a hall of rock and sand
On the stone an ancient hand
In a faded yellow-green
Made alive a worldly wonder
Often told but never seen
Now and ever bound to labor
On the sea and in the sky
Every man and beast appeared
A friend as real as I
CHORUS:
Before the fall when they wrote it on the wall
When there wasn’t even any Hollywood
They heard the call
And they wrote it on the wall
For you and me we understood
Can it be this sad design
Could be the very same
A wooly man without a face
And a beast without a name
Nothin’ here but history
Can you see what has been done
Memory rush over me
Now I step into the sun
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