By the shore of Chatta-Hoochee,
By the shining River-Water,
At the doorway of his cabin,
In the warm late Summer evening,
Elisson stood there and waited.
All the air was full of freshness,
All the earth was bright and joyous,
And before him, through the sunshine,
Westward from the Chalet Kristy
Passed in drunken swarms the Blodgers,
Passed the Blown-Eyed Jawja Blodgers,
Stumbling, singing in the sunshine.
Bright above him shone the heavens,
River spread like glass before him;
On its bosom floated tubers,
Dodging rocks from warlike V-Man;
[Wait a minute; that was last year.]
On its bosom floated tubers,
This year floating unmolested,
Floating past the Chalet Kristy.
On the river bank the Blodgers
Sat there drinking punch and whisky,
Sat there swapping tales of bullshit,
Getting up to play half-rubber
On the field beside the Kristy
Redneck trying to catch the pitches
Flung by Eric, noble White Guy.
Denny came, the Grouchy Cripple,
Bringing fancy car and Git-Box,
So he could regale the Blodgers,
Singing of the Brokeback Cowboys.
Rick was there, with lovely Georgia,
Driving from South Carolina,
There to keep the old tradition
Of not missing any blogmeets.
Hair cut short, you’d hardly know him -
Cleans up real good, Recondo.
Shadowscope and Holder sat there,
Newly welcomed to this conclave,
Holder wearing a tiara
As befits a science teacher.
Dax was standing in the river,
Vainly trying to find a nugget,
Just one little golden nugget -
(Georgia found a toy Buzz Lightyear
Floating down the selfsame river
Floating down the Chatta-Hoochee.)
V-Man, meanwhile, found a mushroom:
Big white sucker, like a penis -
Like a huge albino penis -
With it V-man had amusement,
To the horror of his sister.
Lisa came there, joined by SWMBO,
Joined by SWMBO and by Leslie.
They had traipsed through downtown Helen,
Getting tats upon their titties.
(OK, not on Leslie’s titty.
She had got hers on her ankle.)
Lisa came from far New Brunswick
Leaving Hubby with the harvest -
Harvest of the sweet blue-berries.
Rode with Leslie in a rent-car,
(Actually, she drove the rent-car)
Thanks to her connection’s lateness.
Kelly came there, from the Restroom,
Came there with her husband Richard,
There to join the Jawja Blodgers,
And to share the Revelations
She had found inside the Restroom.
RSM paid them a visit:
When the smoke cleared, he could find them
Camped beside the Chatta-Hoochee.
He had just run down the mountain,
Just to find the Jawja Blodgers.
He cleaned up in Zonker’s cabin.
Yabu came there, bringing Barbie -
Bringing with him beauteous Barbie
Proving he is not a nutjob.
Late at night he lit the skies up,
Lit the skies up with his rockets.
Then, when the constabulary
Showed up on the Kristy’s doorstep,
All the other bloggers scattered,
Leaving him to face the music.
Getting busted? Bad, Bad Juju!
Kelley came up from Atlanta,
Came up from Suburban Blight-Land
Leaving Pete to tend the baby,
New arrival Saruman Dooku,
So she could hang out with Blodgers.
Zonker was the organizer -
Organizer of the Blogmeet.
Made the deal with Chalet Kristy,
Blocking out the rooms and cabins.
Zonker brought a bunch of whisky,
Cigarettes, and case of sparkling
Wine to throw into the punchbowl.
Dash and Shoe came out from Texas -
All the way from sunny Texas
There to join the happy party.
Shoe had made a bet with Redneck,
Bet with Redneck on the football,
That the one whose team did poorly
Had to turn the Blog-Keys over
To the winner of the contest.
Texas lost, so ’Neck’s the winner
Letting him post any horseshit
That he wants to on her blogsite.
(Redneck, please, spare us the Goatse.)
Dash had driven up with SWMBO,
Elisson and lovely SWMBO.
On the way they mixed the Chatham
Punch that made the bloggers drunken.
Carefully they stirred the mixture,
Lest they slosh it in the kitchen,
Slosh it on the kitchen floorboards,
There to strip off all the varnish.
Key Monroe came up to visit -
All too briefly, came to visit -
And to give her arm a tattoo,
Leaving untouched her left titty.
(There’s a girl that’s got some Issues.)
Dax Montana’s wife Priscilla
Brought with her the brand-new baby,
Little Dax Montana Junior,
And their other lovely children.
To the Troll they went at lunchtime,
Place beloved of the Blodgers.
Late that night, at Yabu’s cabin,
All descended on the punchbowl,
To their horror finding that a
Turd was floating in the Punchbowl.
“Elisson, you nasty bastard!
Did you place that dookie in there?”
[It was really not a Turd-Chunk,
Just a piece of choc’late candy.]
Eric did avoid the punchbowl,
Drinking, instead, Scottish whisky.
Blessèd, turd-free Scottish whisky.
Sunday morning came too quickly,
Far too quickly for the Blodgers,
Scattering in all directions
At the ending of the Blogmeet.
Ave atque vale, Blodgers!
It was great, as I expected.
Note to self: Come next September,
Book a room at Chalet Kristy,
Kristy on the Chatta-Hoochee
Blogmeet-Home for ever after!
2 years ago