Tuesday, February 21, 2006


Pipi lavan - mitsuyan.
Pipi zakhov - lo tov.
[Hebrew proverb*]
The Errant Stream is something that all males must deal with at one time or another.

You unzip. You whip out the Equipment. You take aim. You let fly.

And the stream, instead of emerging straight from the barrel of the gun, so to speak, takes off at a crazy, random angle. Given the vagaries of reaction time and Micturitive Stream Velocity, even those fractions of a second required for re-aiming can result in Collateral Pissage. Which is why even us guys sometimes need Tee-Pee when we Pee-Pee.

At least we’re not aiming for a moving target...unless we are in Indonesia, amidst the throngs of small children who amuse themselves by striping passing vehicles in the fetid alleys of their villages.

As bad as the Surprise Directional can be, however, it pales in comparison to the disaster of disasters: the Piss-Sneeze.

Friends, let me assure you: Sternutation and Micturition do not mix. If you sneeze when you piss, chances are your bathroom wallpaper will have a whole new pattern on it. I know this; we all know it.

[*A poetic translation: White urine is reassurin’. Piss that’s yellow? No good, fellow.]

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