REVISITING THE NETHER-LANDS

[From my friend Dennis comes this bit of Internet folk wisdom. It’s especially apropos because I will be going in for my next scheduled Inspection of the Nether-Lands in just a few short weeks...]

A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his (predominantly male) patients while he was performing their colonoscopies:

• “Take it easy, Doc. You’re boldly going where no man has gone before!”
  
  
• “Find Amelia Earhart yet?”
  
  
• “Can you hear me NOW?”
  
  
• “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?”
  
  
• “You know, in Arkansas, we’re now legally married.”
  
  
• “Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?”
  
  
• “You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out...”
  
  
• “Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!”
  
  
• “If your hand doesn’t fit, you must quit!”
  
  
• “Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.”
  
  
• “You used to be an executive at Enron, didn’t you?”
  
  
• “God, now I know why I am not gay.”

And the best one of all...

• “Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?”

Well, these may or may not be real...but there is one that, for sure, I know is real...because I uttered it myself the last time I had the Dreaded Procedure:

• “Am I gonna leave a vapor trail?”

At least, the Missus swears I said it. I was so ripped on anesthetic, I have absolutely no memory of anything. Which, in the case of a colonoscopy, is probably a very good thing.

What a month! Eye exam today, Brown-Eye Exam on the 30th. Oofah!