Friday, October 05, 2007

IT’S A SICKNESS

NameThatDisease.com
NameThatDisease.com - Test your disease knowledge

Maybe I shoulda gone to medical school after all. I got 15 out of 15 questions right, never needing more than the first clue. Doogie Fucking Howser, indeed.

It’s worth it to take the quiz just to see some of the revolting images. Admit it...you know you want to see Mrs. Leprosy-Face.

[Tip o’ th’ Elisson fedora to the Confabulator for the link.]

FRIDAY RANDOM TEN

Welcome once again to Blog d’Elisson’s Friday Random Ten, the weekly feature in which I post a selection of Choons drawn at random from the Little White Choon-Box d’Elisson.

We’ve been looking forward to this particular Friday. Mr. and Mrs. Eli will be spending the weekend with us - it will be the first time we’ve seen them since our mini-Family Reunion in Washington, D.C. five months ago. Perhaps I will be able to make some videos of Eli, hizzownself, telling some of his wonderful jokes in broken Yiddish. I’m all about the sharing, Esteemed Ones.

Meanwhile, let’s check out this week’s Assortment o’Choons. Whadda we got?
  1. Homeward Bound - Simon & Garfunkel
  2. Sultans of Swing - Dire Straits
  3. Freedom Rider - Traffic

    The soundtrack to my first semester in college.

  4. Look At The Sky - Urinetown, Original Cast Album
  5. Something/Blue Jay Way - The Beatles

    One of those mashups from the album Love.

  6. Lovers & Pinheads - Bobby Slayton
  7. Blow Out - Radiohead & Portishead
  8. Black Satin - Miles Davis

    From the On the Corner album. Only die-hard jazz-funk and/or Miles Davis fans need apply.

  9. My Blue Heaven - Django Reinhardt
  10. Inca Roads - Frank Zappa

    Incorporating some of the most twisted, brilliant keyboard work I’ve ever heard. And I, along with Elder Daughter and the Mistress of Sarcasm, have met Napoleon Murphy Brock, whose voice you hear in this song.

    Did a vehicle
    Come from somewhere out there
    Just to land in the Andes?
    Was it round
    And did it have
    A motor
    Or was it
    Something
    Different

    George: Sure was different. I ain’t never seen nothing like that in my entire life!
    Napoleon: Whose python boot is that? That ain’t my sh-- What?
    FZ: Why don’t you sharpen it then?

    George: Little round ball... I could... couldn’t... That white cain’t do nothin’
    Napoleon: Je-he-zus! Wait a minute!
    FZ: Mother Mary and Joseph!

    Did a vehicle
    Did a vehicle
    Did a vehicle
    Fly along the mountains
    And find a place to park itself
    Park it
    Se-e-e-elf
    (PARK IT... PARK IT)

    Or did someone
    Build a place
    To leave a space
    For such a thing to land

    Did a vehicle
    Come from somewhere out there
    Did a vehicle come
    From somewhere out there
    Did the Indians, first on the bill
    Carve up the hill

    Did a booger-bear
    Come from somewhere out there
    Just to land in the Andes?
    Was she round
    And did she have a motor
    Or was she something different

    Guacamole Queen
    Guacamole Queen
    Guacamole Queen

    At the Armadillo in Austin Texas, her aura,
    Or did someone build a place
    Or leave a space for Chester’s Thing to land
    (Chester’s Thing... on Ruth)
    Did a booger-bear
    Come from somewhere out there
    Did a booger-bear
    Come from somewhere out there
    Did the Indians, first on the bill
    Carve up her hill
    On Ruth
    On Ruth
    That’s Ruth

It’s Friday. What are you listening to?

CLUTCHED

Titty Tata
Matata grabs the groodies.

Yep, that’s where you’ll find Matata...clutched unto SWMBO’s bosom. Although it appears in this photograph that SWMBO is the clutchee, not the clutcher.

Bosom. What a wonderfully lubricious, delicious word. Bosom. Bazoom. Buzzim.

Titty.

Titty...with Kitty.

Check out the Friday Ark, which it’s the 159th cruise setting out today from the Modulator’s fine Port Facility, under the direction of Cap’n Steve.

And of course be sure to drop by StrangeRanger Sunday evening, where the eponymous Ranger will host the 185th edition of Carnival of the Cats. Not a lotta titties, but plenty of kitties.

Update: CotC #185 is up.

Thursday, October 04, 2007

BEEP

It was October 4, 1957, and the Very Young Elisson woke up and eagerly got out of bed. Today was special. Today was his fifth birthday! And uniquely among his Early Birthdays, half a century hence he would, for no reason in particular, retain very clear memories of that morning.

Many other people retain clear memories of that morning as well, long ago as it was, as it was indeed an Historic Day...for reasons having absolutely nothing to do with that five-year-old boy. For it was the very day that the United States came face to face with the horrifying realization that the Soviet Union, their mortal enemy in the grinding Cold War and source of 98% of the Communists that seemed to lurk under every bed, had made a decisive, bold step forward in claiming the shadowy reaches of Outer Space for their own.

It was a realization that sank in with every beep - beep - beep that floated through the ether...mysterious radio pings emitted by the first Artificial Earth Satellite.

A satellite that the Russians had built and successfully placed in Earth orbit.
Sputnik.

Sputnik-1
Sputnik.

Sputnik! Good Gawd, the name itself shrieked Ruuuuuuusskis!

“If they could put a satellite up there, what would they put up there next?” went the popular refrain. Hydrogen bombs? We’re all gonna DIE!!!

Ostensibly, the Russians had sent the little silver ball aloft to study how radio waves interacted with the ionosphere...important information for any future space travel. But it didn’t take a whole lot of imagination to figure out that a rocket capable of sending a Sputnik into orbit could also lob nuclear weapons over the ocean. The Soviets had demonstrated, with calculated innocence, the first ICBM.

Our nation collectively Shat a Peach Pit, and the Space Race was under way. And I can tell you here and now that had you said to your friends and neighbors back then that within less than a dozen years, men would walk upon the Moon, they would have laughed in your face. And had you told them that those men would be Americans, they would have clapped you in the nearest Mental Health Facility, there to have your sick, stupid fantasies cleared away from your brain-pan by massive doses of electroshock therapy.

But what did I know? I was five, just having completed my first month of kindergarten. Life was sweet. And, Esteemed Readers, it still is, half a century later.

MR. DEBONAIR: FASHION FORWARD

There has been a whole lot written recently about the latest fashion trend amongst observant Jews: wearing Crocs on Yom Kippur.

Because Jewish law prohibits the wearing of leather shoes on the Day of Atonement, it’s common to see people show up at services wearing suits...and sneakers. But now Crocs, those popular plastic sandal-like shoes, have attracted a considerable following, according to the JTA News Service:
From secular beachgoers in Tel Aviv to right-wing Orthodox settlers in Hebron, Crocs - the bulbous-toed, open-back, rubber summer shoe - already were ubiquitous in Israel. Now, reports from several synagogues across America suggest, Crocs have surpassed Chuck Taylors, Keds, flip-flops and a host of other options to become the Yom Kippur shoe in the United States.

Crocs - the perfect Yom Kippur Shoe!

Of course, Mr. Debonair, our very own Fashion Consultant at Blog d’Elisson, is way ahead of you...as you can see in this post from one year and one day ago. Yep - you heard it here first.

And best yet: Not only are Crocs the perfect Yom Kippur shoe (after all, they’re holey), they also are just the thing to wear on Tisha b’Av!

THE DREADED DOUBLE NICKEL

Double Nickel
Ain’t nearly as dreadful as the alternative.

And besides, being an Official Member of the Alter Kockers Club has its benefits. Two-for-one dinners at the IHOP! Cheap(er) movie tickets!

Q: What sound does an Old Guy make when he belches?

A: Aarp!

Happy Birthday Eli’s Son

Because my dear husband treats the blogosphere to long essays on the birthdays of all his loved ones, I thought he deserved the same treatment. At fifty-five, he is as young at heart as the day I met him when he was twenty-three. My mother, upon meeting him, asked, “Does he kick dogs or something?” That’s how perfect he is, a great looking outside all soft and sensitive on the inside. I learned this after watching Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory with him when we were dating. At the end, as the elevator lifts through the glass ceiling, I looked over at him, and this new man in my life was crying...crying at Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. His explanation: Willy Wonka had given something to Charlie that was life changing, something Charlie didn’t even know he wanted. That must have been the minute I fell in love with him, and he gave me something life changing and something I didn’t even know I wanted...him. Happy birthday, my love.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

THE NEW NINTENDO NERDS

Twenty years ago, we owned a first-generation Nintendo game system. Originally purchased for Elder Daughter’s eighth birthday, it was, by today’s standards, a primitive affair. You had a cheap-ass plastic box into which you would shove a bulky game cartridge, and two clunky-looking hand controllers with which you would play games with blocky, jagged graphics and simple (yet amazingly catchy) music.

Needless to say, Elder Daughter used to have to elbow me out of the way to get to her New Toy.

We did not have a huge library of games on hand, but I became a Past Master at the ones we had. Super Mario Brothers. The Legend of Zelda. Marble Madness. Tetris.

It was a Time Sink on a par with, well, blogging.

Sadly, the old Nintendo system, after years of residing quietly in the basement, was disposed of in a garage sale. Too bad - it probably was a collector’s item. For Nintendo Nerds who like collecting crap, I suppose.

SWMBO had her share of heartbreak with that old Nintendo box. After all, while most women had to content themselves with being football widows or golf widows, she had to admit to her friends that she was a Nintendo Widow. How fucked up is that?

So you can imagine my surprise when the Missus requested that I score her a Nintendo Wii for her birthday. My SWMBO? Wanting to get a Video Game? What was next? The Earth falling off its axis? The Apocalypse?

I wasn’t sure she was serious at first, so I dragged my feet. Big mistake. She was indeed serious...and the damn things were as scarce as Heebs in Hamas. But finally, a full month to the day from the Birthday in Question, I managed to lay my hands on one.

Holy. Crap.

This thing is as far removed from its primitive 1987 ancestor as my laptop computer is from ENIAC.

It uses wireless control technology. You hold the controller and go through the motions of rolling a bowling ball, serving a tennis or ping-pong ball, taking a golf swing, taking a cut at a fastball, or punching your opponent in the face...and it happens on screen. Kinda like Air Guitar. You can actually work up a sweat playing some of the games.

And when you’re sick of playing games, you can pull weather or news reports right off the Internet...or go shopping.

Remind me to get out the video camera and film us as we play. Watch a few minutes of the Missus and me playing Video Tennis, whiffing our controllers around with our patented Air Guitar moves, and you just may piss yourself laughing.

So here we are, the New Generation Nintendo Nerds. Scary, ain’t it?

HEY, ROCKY...



...watch me pull an Old Story out of my hat.

A recent post over at Thrilling Days of Yesteryear reminded me of a brief brush I once had with Cartoon Royalty.

It was the summer of 1974 and I was newly graduated from college. My friend Virginia Steve and I were each headed to our separate destinies: me to a job with the Great Corporate Salt Mine in Texas, he to law school at the University of Virginia. And so we decided to spend the last summer before the Shit-Hammer of Adulthood descended upon us in a frantic, Hunter S. Thompson-inspired cross-country trek, a trek that would take us from northern Virginia through Denver, the Rockies, Bryce Canyon, Zion National Park, Las Vegas, San Diego, Tijuana, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Seattle, Spokane, Yellowstone National Park, Mount Rushmore, Chicago, and back home. Ten thousand miles in one month.

While we were in Los Angeles, we spent innumerable hours cruising up and down Sunset Boulevard. And one of the attractions we happened upon was Dudley Do-Right’s Emporium, right across the street from the Chateau Marmont hotel.


Dudley Do-Right’s Emporium.

We spent some time looking at the various tchotchkes and cartoon-related swag in the Emporium - all Rocky and Bullwinkle-related merchandise, of course - and then noticed that adjacent to the Emporium sat Jay Ward Productions, the actual studio where Rocky and Bullwinkle and all Jay Ward’s other animated productions were created. Of course we had to knock on the door.

The gentleman who greeted us introduced himself as one Bill Hurtz. Steve and I knew that Hurtz was one of the directors of the Rocky and His Friends and The Bullwinkle Show, but at the time we didn’t know that Hurtz’s animation pedigree extended all the way back to Disney’s Fantasia and Pinocchio...and included the animated titles for the original Ocean’s Eleven and Vertigo.

It was after hours at the studio, and rather than simply sending us off with a handshake, Bill was gracious enough to give these two scruffy-looking young men a guided tour of the entire Jay Ward operation. Much of their work these days, he explained, was in commercials: Cap’n Crunch, for example. Modeled on Jay Ward, the Cap’n was, with that distinctive walrus moustache.

After we said our adieux, Steve and I walked back towards Sunset Boulevard to retrieve our car...and who should we encounter but an immediately recognizable portly redheaded gentleman with a walrus moustache: Jay Ward hizzownself. We introduced ourselves, thanked him for the studio’s kind hospitality, and then went our separate way.

Jay Ward, alas, is gone now, having passed on to the Animation Studio in the Sky back in 1989.

And, sadly, Dudley Do-Right’s Emporium is also no more, having been demolished in 2004. When I was in Los Angeles last, back in the summer of 2005, there was no evidence of its existence save for the statue of Rocky and Bullwinkle that still stands in its old spot in front of where the shop once was.


Gone...but never to be forgotten.

Monday, October 01, 2007

BEEFALICIOUSNESS

Yesterday the Missus and I had both developed a Meat Jones, and there was but one cure: a Beefy Dinner.

Our friends Gary and JoAnn had given us a gift card to The Place That Is Extremely Proud Of Their Meat for our anniversary several months ago, so it was only fitting that we invite them to share in the Meaty Bounty that we purchased therewith. Two honkin’ big porterhouse steaks, that is.

I love a good porterhouse. It’s a strip steak and a filet combined in one huge chunk of beef, with a bone to give it delectably beefy flavor. If you can’t get a bone-in ribeye, the porterhouse is an excellent alternative.

Instead of grilling those bad boys, I salted ’em down with kosher salt and added a liberal dose of freshly ground black pepper, then let ’em sit for a couple of hours to absorb the salt. Then I put them on a rack in a 275°F oven for 30 minutes, long enough to get the interior temperature up to about 90-95°F. (Use 20-25 minutes if you want rare steaks...these came out a perfect medium-rare.)

This is where Darth Stover came into his own. I took a heavy skillet and put it on the heavy-duty 15,000 BTU burner with a little vegetable oil in it. Once the oil was smoking, I seared the steaks for two minutes on each side, lifting and turning the meat halfway through to make sure the fat was well-distributed. Then I let them rest for 5-10 minutes before slicing ’em up.

Searing Porterhouse
Searing the steaks in a hot skillet gives ’em a nice crust.

[Porterhouse steaks can be enjoyed whole or sliced. In this case, since I was using two huge steaks to feed four people, slicing ’em up made sense.]

The combined effect of prewarming in the oven and searing in the pan - you need good stove ventilation if you’re gonna do this indoors - resulted in steaks with a nice caramelized crust and a perfectly-done interior. None of the grey layer you get when you try to grill a thick steak without leaving the inside raw.

While the steaks were resting, I added some minced shallots to the pan and cooked them until translucent. Then, about half a cup of chicken stock to deglaze the pan, followed by some rainwater Madeira. Bingo: Steak sauce.

Throwing cholesterol-caution to the wind, I dressed the sliced meat with a few spoonsful of hot garlic butter that I had had sitting on the low-intensity (900 BTU) burner. A real Steve H. Graham touch, that. A little chopped parsley scattered on top, and Bob’s your uncle: dinner is served.

Sliced Porterhouse
Sliced up and ready to serve.

Along with the Meefsteak, we had sweet potatoes, lovingly washed, rubbed in kosher salt, and convection baked to a golden turn. Yummy.

So what if we’ll be eating salads the rest of the week? It was so worth it.

Beef. It’s what’s for dinner!

INTROSPECTION

Davenin’ Elisson
Elisson in an introspective moment.
[Image by John Spink, Atlanta Journal-Constitution.]

Just in case you were wondering what I do most weekday mornings...

...here I am at morning minyan, resting head on arm in the characteristic posture of the Tachanun service, a short series of psalms and supplications recited at most weekday morning services.

The photograph was taken a week ago last Thursday, two days before Yom Kippur. Right now we’re in a Tachanun-free zone: due to the confluence of so many holidays, and because of the general happiness of the season, we won’t be reciting Tachanun again until after the next lunar month begins. Too much of a downer, I suppose.

Check out the leather straps on my left arm. Those are tefillin-straps, used to attach a small leather box to the arm. You can see another box (bayit) on my forehead. Each of the two boxes contains small, hand-inscribed parchment scrolls with specific verses of Scripture. The tefillin are worn during weekday morning services in observance of the Biblical commandment that “thou shalt bind [these words] on your arm, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes.” Leave it to us Jews to take things so literally.

Tefillin are also known as phylacteries, a term that comes from the Greek. Mine are the big, heavy-duty models favored by professionals: Pro-phylacteries. For the prevention of spiritual disease only.

As it happens, this week we do not wear tefillin, owing to it being the Sukkot festival. Why dat? That’s because tefillin are not worn on major holidays and Sabbaths. On intermediate festival days (such as today), it’s local option...but our tradition is to not wear them.

It occurred to me that all the photo above needed was a caption, and we could start a whole new Internet meme...

LOLJew
...the LOLJew!

AVE ATQUE VALE, COX & FORKUM

Sad news seen at TBIFOC: Allen Forkum and John Cox of the eponymous Cox & Forkum have announced that they will no longer be producing editorial cartoons.

I guess I hadda hear it from Laurence Simon first, since his site sits higher on my blogroll than Cox & Forkum. But John Cox’s site sits even higher. That’s what happens when you skim through your RSS feeds too damn fast.

I’m especially sad to hear this news as I have hoisted a few Adult Beverages with John (and hope to do so again in the near future at the upcoming Southeastern Writer’s Conference, Tea Party, and Ice Cream Social in Helen). But then again, it will free both of these fine gentlemen to work on projects that have higher priority for them both. May they succeed in their every endeavor.

CRAZY TOWN

Elisson’s already-overburdened blogroll welcomes a new addition today: Justin of Welcome to Crazy Town.

Here’s Justin, talking about why it would make perfect sense to remake one of the biggest bombs in Hollywood history. Makes perfect sense to me, anyway:
“I read somewhere that Weird Science is being remade. If we are that bankrupt for new ideas, then Howard the Duck should should be at the top of development cycles.”
And here he is, describing an incident in which a man took his fiancée to a fondue restaurant in order to break up with her, only to be rewarded by having a pot full of boiling fondue oil thrown in his face:
“Did anyone eating a plate of beef, chicken and shellfish ever realize that they had walked into a veritable kill zone? Would that stop them from putting grapes into cheese during the appetizer portion?...I wonder if anyone gave them a fondue pot.”
Sweet. Go and read more...and tell him Old Uncle Elisson sent you.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

CHEEZUS!

The Missus and I trotted over to Fresh Market this afternoon to pick up a few odds and ends for this evening’s supper. The check came to $19.74, prompting me to say, “Hmmm...now that was an interesting year.”

The cashier, in all her Teenage Innocence, asked, “Was that the year you were born?”

Both SWMBO and I looked at her as though she had grown a second head. And SWMBO was quick with a riposte: “No, that’s when he was graduated from college. He looks pretty crappy for someone born in 1974.”

True, dat. Especially since I was unshaven, having rolled out of bed just in time for morning minyan.

Both of us had slept soundly last night - it was the first decent night’s sleep the Missus had had in days, owing to some medication that has, as a side effect, kept her jacked up at night. And in my case, it might have had some extra assistance from the wine.

For last night we had entertained friends for dinner - some of the Usual Suspects, to be sure, but also some other friends of long standing that we don’t see nearly as often as we should. It had been a couple of years since we had spent an evening with Joe and Margaret W-, whom we had first met back in our old Atlanta neighborhood when the kids were mere toddlers.

Joe is the guy who introduced me to the Macallan, for which I am Eternally Grateful. I returned the favor by introducing him to Hendrick’s Gin, “preferred by one out of every 10,000 gin drinkers.”

Dinner consisted of an Insalata Caprese (courtesy of Margaret and Joe), with slices of ripe tomato and buffalo mozzarella garnished with basil leaves and drizzled with balsamic vinegar. The main dish was a Lasagne ai Quattro Formaggio that, aside from having enough Cheesy Goodness to stop a grizzly bear’s heart, served to break in our new oven. [Really, it incorporates five cheeses: Ricotta, Fontina, Gruyère, Gorgonzola, and Parmesan...but who’s counting?] I had never made any sort of lasagna before, lasagna being SWMBO’s province, but I’ve always been perfectly willing to test new recipes out on our unsuspecting dinner guests.

Insalata Caprese
Insalata Caprese à la Joe and Margaret.

Lasagne ai Quattro Formaggi
Lasagne ai Quattro Cinque Formaggi.

For the vegetabobble, I had wanted to get hold of some broccoli rabe, but there was, alas, none to be had. So I went with the next best thing: broccolini, a form of broccoli with long, slender stalks. To prepare it, I trimmed the bottom of each stem, then blanched it in boiling water for two minutes. Immediately after removing the broccolini from the boiling water, I shocked it by dumping it into ice water - this helps it retain its bright green color. About ten minutes before serving time, I took a goodly knob of butter and melted it down in a sauté pan with some olive oil. When it started foaming, I threw in some minced garlic - about four cloves’ worth. After a minute or two at medium-low heat (you do not want to scorch the garlic!), I added the broccolini and sprinkled in a little piment d’espelette (Basque red pepper). Heat through, and voilà! Ready to serve.

Broccolini
Broccolini with garlic and piment d’espelette.

Along with the food, we managed to kill a couple of bottles of wine, including a nice TBA brought out with dessert. After that, I don’t remember too much...

Friday, September 28, 2007

BEFORE AND AFTER

The Momma d’Bou, in a comment made on a prior post, requested some side-by-side Before ’n’ After shots of our renovated kitchen...and as I am an obliging sort, I am happy to provide them forthwith.

Clear the Decks
Before. [Click to embiggen.]

The Finished Product
After. [Click to embiggen.]

What’s new?
  • New sink, faucet, and soap dispenser.

    SWMBO has been dying to get a Hans Grohe kitchen faucet like the one we had in our second Connecticut house twenty years ago. This one’s an updated version in satin stainless. The sink is a Jacuzzi porcelain-on-cast iron undermount, jet black.

  • New granite counters and tumbled stone backsplashes.

    The counters are Emerald Pearl...full of beautiful reflective surfaces. And the backsplashes are a lot more visually appealing than the boring white tile that was there before.

  • New oven and microwave.

    The Kitchen Aid conventional convection/microwave convection combo replaces our old piece-of crap GE conventional/microwave. I’m looking forward to seeing how the convection feature will play out - I suspect that it will be helpful when roasting great joints of meat or when baking.

  • New dishwasher.

    Kitchen Aid, again, replacing our old GE unit. Unlike the old one, which was serviceable but noisy, this one is as quiet as a mouse pissing on a blotter. Amazing.

  • New gas cooktop.

    Like the old electric unit it replaces, “Darth Stover” is a Jenn-Air center-vent cooktop, but now we’re cookin’ with gas. And this one has a functioning vent blower. After so many years of dealing with a glasstop unit - how many of your pans are perfectly flat on the bottom? - this Bad Boy is a pleasure to work with.

  • New cabinet knobs.

    There’s no way we’re replacing the cabinets, much as I’d love to...but these knobs, satin stainless with brass trim, tie the kitchen’s various stainless and brass accents together nicely.
What’s left to do?

We still plan to replace the switchplates and outlet covers with something that is a little less...white. And there’s some minor trim that needs finishing. But aside from that, we now have a kitchen that’s much easier on the eye...and much more suited to the kind of cooking we’d like to do.

And with that, our Kitchen Saga - barring unforeseen events - is over, and I will bore you with it no more.

FRIDAY RANDOM TEN - TABERNACLES EDITION

Welcome once again to Blog d’Elisson’s Friday Random Ten, the weekly feature in which I post a selection of Choons drawn at random from the iPod d’Elisson.

It’s not only Friday today, it’s the second day of Sukkot, the Jewish Feast of Tabernacles. What is a tabernacle, anyway? You may well ask. Aside from being a favorite epithet of French Canadians (“Whoa, whoa, Tabernac!”) and Eric the Straight White Guy, it’s simply a little booth. The kind of temporary shelter in which the Israelites lived while wandering in the desert so many years ago. This week, observant Jews will take their meals in just such temporary shelters, by way of fulfilling the Biblical commandment to dwell in Sukkot: booths.

Sukkot is a happy time - Z’man Simchateinu, the season of our happiness. It has an especial resonance with me, for not only is my Hebrew name Simcha - just call me Mr. Happy - but the first day of Sukkot is my birthday, if one reckons by the Hebrew calendar. So I’ll take this opportunity to wish my Jewish readers (what are you doing, reading a blog on yontiff, anyway?) a Chag Sameach. That’s “Happy Festival” in Hebrew.

And since this is Happy Time, what can be more happy than a random assortment of ten Choons, spewed forth from that most happy of iPods? Let’s check ’em out:
  1. Whisky Train - Procol Harum

    Ain’t gonna ride that whisky train
    Ain’t gonna burn up no more flame
    Throw away my bottle down the drain
    Ain’t gonna ride that whisky train
    To think that I could be so wrong
    To be so sick and still go on
    The way I drink it’s been too long
    Don’t see much point in carrying on
    I’m gonna lose these drinking blues

    I’m gonna find a girl to make me choose
    Between lovin’ her and drinking booze
    I’m gonna lose these drinking blues
    Ain’t gonna ride that whisky train
    I’m tired of burning in the flame
    Throw away my bottle down the drain
    Ain’t gonna ride that whisky train

  2. Mr. Farmer - The Seeds
  3. I’ve Got My Mojo Working - Professor Longhair
  4. Devil In Her Heart - The Beatles
  5. Der Bosfor - The Klezmer Conservatory Band
  6. Captured - James Newton Howard, King Kong (2005)
  7. Township Rebellion - Rage Against The Machine
  8. Turn Around - They Might Be Giants
  9. Spritz!!! Spritz!!! - Minus The Bear
  10. I Want Love - Elton John
It’s Friday. What are you listening to?

AN AUTUMNAL ODE



In this near-autumn time of year,
The Harvest Festival is here.
Jews take Four Species close to hand
And wave them up and down the land.

This time of year, a Jew should tackle
The building of a Tabernacle.
A little Booth in the backyard,
Why, building it should not be hard.

With beams and joists of two-by-four,
You need three walls; don’t need a door.
The roof affords a glimpse of sky.
A Table, where you eat your Pie.

Birds might fly overhead and crap:
Just pray it don’t land in your lap.
You say a blessing, drink your wine,
And then your evening’s mighty fine.

Some cabbage, stuff’d with tasty Meat
Would be the perfect thing to eat.
All hail Sukkot, the Harvest Fest!
And let’s praise God, by whom we’re blest.

FUZZY FRIDAY

The Modulator likes to host
The Friday Ark, in which he’ll post
Links to Photos of your Cats,
Dogs and Snakes and Norway Rats.


The Friday Ark is afloat on its 158th voyage, captained by that most esteemed Modulator. This week, Matata is sitting comfortably in the fo’c’sle.

Not enough cats for you? Go and visit Life from a Cat’s Perspective Sunday evening, when Carnival of the Cats #184 will go up. Kitty fun for everyone.

Update: CotC #184 is up.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

THE SAGA OF THE HOT-BOX

Oven
Our brand spankin’ new Hot-Boxes.

Finally - finally! - we appear (kayn ayin hora) to have a Functioning Oven in our kitchen.

We’ve been without one since a week ago Monday, when the new unit (conventional convection oven on the bottom, combination microwave/convection oven on top) was installed and fried itself to a crisp within minutes.

Getting a replacement unit was more of a Pain in the Ass than we had expected or desired. Sears - the Retailer involved - kept losing the order or failing to schedule an installer. Finally, the Missus got on the horn with them - half an hour of Voicemail Hell - and told them they would either have a working oven installed the next day, or we would have them take the dead unit out and we’d replace it elsewhere.

Do not mess with SWMBO when she is Pissed Off.

Even after all of that, Sears managed to let another installer snarf our item from the warehouse. When our guy got there yesterday morning, there was no oven. So he broke a few legs and rearranged some other poor schmuck’s delivery. It meant Yet Another Day’s Delay, but without his help it would have been another ten days. Good Gawd.

I was mickle relieved when he showed up this afternoon...exactly as promised.

Watching this guy horse the old unit out and the new unit in was nerve-wracking. He knew his business, though, and between his dolly, his lift-platform, and sheer might and main, he managed just fine. The sucker weighs about 400 pounds, so this was no small feat.

And the best news is, it works like a champ! (tuh, tuh, tuh).

Now I need to bake something. Where are those cats, anyway?

The New Kitchen Stuff
The kitchen...she is feeneeshed!

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

ON ROADSTERS AND IRRELEVANT INSTITUTIONS

Houston Steve gave me a lift to the Sommelier Guild event yesterday evening. It was a pleasant enough drive: the sun was shining, the sky was blue with a few puffy cumulus adrift, and the day’s warmth was beginning to diminish with the approaching dusk.

Besides all that, we were in Houston Steve’s sporty little Honda S2000. It’s a sweet ride.

Both of us suffered a pang of envy as we passed a guy driving a vintage Austin-Healey. Now, that is a roadster. Temperamental and expensive, it’s nevertheless the picture of the British sports car, with a grille that almost appears to be grinning at you, fairly dripping with Poon-Attractant. I reminisced about my Snot-Nose Days, when one of our neighbors had purchased one. I still remember the awe with which we, the neighborhood Rug-Rats, gazed upon that car. As young as we were, we all knew that there was one hot little car.

Austin-Healey
Austin-Healey 3000 Mk II, 1962 model. Hoo, boy.

On the way, we talked - among many things - about the day’s events, which included Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s visit to the U.N. By doing so, we risked spoiling our appetites...but we took that chance.

Ahh, the United Nations. It’s pretty much an irrelevant institution, given that every tinhorn idiot strongman with a country has a voice in the General Assembly. Viz: Mr. Ahmadinejad.

It’s useful to remember that the United Nations has several components. In addition to the General Assembly, there are the Security Council, the Economic and Social Council (including the IMF and the World Bank), the Secretariat, and the International Court of Justice. And, as Steve pointed out, some of those components are more useless than others.

The Security Council, with five permanent members (The United States, the U.K., France, Russia, and China) plus ten other members holding temporary seats. It’s really the part that matters, with the power to make decisions that member governments must carry out under the United Nations Charter. Given that the permanent members hold veto power and that there are typically no real consequences for violating resolutions, the Security Council never seems to be able to act decisively. Probably a good thing, on balance.

George Bush would love to see Japan added to the Security Council as a new permanent member, but it’s doubtful this will ever happen. India would be a much more likely candidate for an expanded Permanent Member roster, being the most populous democracy in the world. We’ll see what happens.

And then you have the General Assembly, composed of 192 member states as of this writing. With each state, no matter how thinly populated or stupidly governed, having the same one vote, it’s easy to see how useless this organization can become. Since resolutions of the General Assembly aren’t binding on the member states, it’s mostly a harmless echo chamber. “What about restricting membership to states with a democratically elected form of government?” I suggested. Steve responded that there would be little purpose in having a United Democratic Nations in which everybody would pretty much agree with one another...and I had to concede that he had a point.

The U.N. Human Rights Council? Now, there’s a joke for you. Never mind that the membership includes a number of states with (ahem) less-than-stellar human rights records - Cuba and Saudi Arabia leap to mind - the real joke is that only resolutions condemning Israel ever seem to emanate from the Council. That’s right: the only country in the Middle East offering any semblance of human rights. Never a single word about, say, North Korea. Or Afghanistan under the Taliban. Or Sudan. What a bunch of fucking hypocrites.

Houston Steve may have said it best. With the United Nations, as with any other prophylactic, the only way to test its effectiveness is to count its failures.