Thursday, October 30, 2008


My friend Donnie Joe loathes what he calls “Dead Fruit” - raisins, prunes, and any other sort of desiccated fruity substances.

Raisinets - those chocolate-covered raisins beloved of moviegoers - do not get by him. That chocolate coating doesn’t fool Donnie Joe. Underneath it is the dreaded Dead Fruit.

I can only imagine how appalled he would be had he come upon Sunsweet’s latest attempt to sexify the Ambrosia of the Superannuated.

I speak, of course, of the lowly Prune.

Even people who happily consume raisins and dried currants by the barrelful will treat the Prune with utter disdain. Prunes are Old Man Food. Prunes keep you “regular.” They’re wrinkly, like little portable nutsacks.

Prunes are a joke.

When I speak of the Pomegranate Pile Driver, people wrinkle (ahh, there’s that word again!) their noses in contempt. Never mind that it tastes good. It’s made with prune juice, so it must be loathesome.

Sunsweet knows this...which is why they have gone the Rebranding Route. They have taken to calling prunes “Dried Plums” - as if that somehow will fool us.

“What’s that you’re eating? Is that a prune? Yecch!”

“What prune? This is a dried plum! See - it says so right here!”

“Ohhh...OK. Say, wanna get yer ashes hauled, you big, sexy dried plum-eating lug?”

But that’s not all. Checkit:

Chocolate Covered Prune Dried Plum Chunks!

Donnie Joe would be horrified. Say, we’re eating dinner with him and Laura Belle this evening...perhaps I oughta bring a bagful!

Update: As much as I love the ol’ Wrinkle-Fruit, this crap’ll never replace Raisinets. But still...Chocolate! Prunes!

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