FUN AT THE LAKE

My buddy Irwin just sent his younger son off to school at UGA this semester. And Irwin was kind enough to rent a cabin in the North Georgia mountains so his son’s pledge class could enjoy a weekend getaway.

Must have been some weekend. This is the actual text of the letter Irwin’s son received from the landlord:

The total due of 1472.00 was charged to your father’s credit card on 9/13/04. Due to the condition of the cabin on your departure, including the extra cleaning and repairs listed: repair the bed, rehang things torn off the walls, repair the refrigerator shelf that was broken, clean beer that had exploded in the freezer, take the comforter to the cleaners where someone had thrown up and stuffed it in the washer, washing dirty laundry that vomit was wiped up in, cleaning the floors free of vomit and smell, and cleaning the hot tub to remove vomit, sand, leaves, beer, etc., the owners have asked that I retain the deposit of 200.00 to pay for the extra repairs and cleaning charges incurred during your visit.

What I want to know is, how the hell did leaves get into the hot tub?

Ahh, boys, boys. Such amateurs. It ain’t serious debauchery unless excrement is involved. My brother-in-law - the younger of two - raised a lot of hell at the University of Texas during his freshman year. He once told me a story

[WARNING: Gross stuff ahead! Proceed at your own risk!]

of one memorably drunken night in which a friend actually crapped on someone’s windshield. Now, how you can be that fried and still manage to climb up on someone’s car to crimp one off, I have no clue...and to make matters worse, when you’re that drunk, things tend to get, er, ah, messy. Yep: the dreaded Whiskey Shits.

I’m not sure whether Irwin will be taking any consolation from this, but he should. Things could always be worse.

As for me, I’m parking the car indoors.