FROM THE ARCHIVES OF THE MISTRESS

The Mistress, age 7

It’s either my sheer laziness when it comes to creating new Bloggy Content, or maybe it’s my desire to build up my Daddy Blog cred – after all, Daddy Blogs have been getting a lot of nice publicity these days – but I thought I’d treat my Esteemed Readers to some of the brilliant writing of the Mistress of Sarcasm.

There’s precedent for this. A few weeks ago, I slapped a couple of guest blogposts by the Mistress into Bd’E. You could tell it was a different writer – the Mistress lobs more F-bombs than even I do, and that’s saying something, bruthuh.

But these pieces hearken back to an earlier, more innocent time…

September 7, 1989
My favrit day was The day I got owr cat. My sister and I named him strips we named him strips Becos he had strips we pet him a lot so almost all of them came off. My favrit thing at shcool is Jim.

Sept. 29, 1989
To day I am gowing to glastonbeary. I am visiting the Clincops.

I am real icsitid. They have a dog her name is mooshoo.

It is one of those dogs that is rincoly.

October. 4, 1989
If I hade a cat that came to my house I wood fead it food and keep it ther for one nihte and then let it go the nesxt day or sel it to somone you no.

Oct. 18, 1989
I think the earth cwake was real bad my dad is away and my dad’s frend lived there. A lot of aportmints had got roowind and my dad’s frend lives in a aportmint. My mom and I hope he is ole rihgt.

Well, there’s been a lot of water under the bridge since then. The Mistress is, alas, no longer a seven-year-old who makes amusing spelling errors. She’s twenty-two, and looking forward to getting her college degree this Spring. And as much as She Who Must Be Obeyed and I miss the little girl she was, we are enthralled with the young woman she has become.

But you Daddies (and Mommies) out there, [cue Ali G voice] hear me now. If your kid isn’t keeping a journal – hell, these days, they probably start blogging by age four! – get him or her started right away. Fifteen or twenty years down the road, you will have something to treasure.

Something that will make you laugh until you piss yourself. Trust me on this one.