Saturday, March 20, 2010


“Have a glass of water. It quenches your thirst better than anything else - and it’s good for you!”

[But I just wanted a fucking glass of chocolate milk.]

“The crust? That’s the best part!”

[Then why the fuck aren’t you eating it?]

“Eat that potato peel - it’s the best part. It’s full of vitamins.”

[It’s also full of warts and hairs and dirt. Yecch.]

“Why don’t you have a piece of fruit instead of that slice of cake?”

[If I wanted the piece of fruit, I would have taken the piece of fruit. Can I just have a hunk of Entenmann’s without getting the fucking third degree?]

Of course, you know what the most galling thing is about all of these little bits of Fatherly Wisdom? The fact that, without exception, the Old Man was - and is - right about every single one.

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