SCREWED UP

“Screw.”

What a wonderful, useful word.

It can refer to the sexual act: “They were screwing in the back seat.” (Presumably, this is a more effective style of coupling than simply nailing someone.)

It can be used as an insult, hurled as an epithet. “Screw you.”

It can refer to a person’s being non compos mentis: “He’s screwy.” “Mona has a screw loose.”

It can indicate an unsatisfactory state of affairs: “They just transferred me to the most screwed up sales territory west of the Mississippi.”

And, of course, it can refer to a piece of hardware that is used to connect various objects, a simple device consisting of an inclined plane wrapped around a cylinder: “That deck will stand up to a hurricane - Charlie put it together with screws instead of nails.”

Well, I am here to tell you that She Who Must Be Obeyed is screwed up...

...but not in a bad way. As you can see from the X-ray photograph above, her jaw is riddled with little titanium screws, a legacy of the mandibular extension surgery she had three years ago. They were put in there to hold her jawbone together until it knit in its new configuration... and to provide Joke-Fodder for years afterward.

Yeah, the Missus is screwy, all right...

...and after she reads this post? I’m screwed.