FRIDAY RANDOM TEN

It’s been a while since I posted a Friday Random Ten, what with my intervening travels...but it is Friday, after all...the sun is shining, the birds are brightening the air with their song, and I appear to be over my Jet Lag at last. Believe me, it is no fun to be all farklockt, suffering from a whacked-out sleep schedule and having to deal with receiving Nature’s Calls at the most bizarre hours...

...but you don’t want to hear about that. No, what you want to do is to check out the latest Pile of Random iPod Spewage, and I am all too happy to oblige. Here we go:

1. Stagger Lee - Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
   
   
2. Harpies Bizarre - Elvis Costello
   
   
3. The Wedding Samba - Xavier Cugat and His Orchestra
   
   
4. Song of the Nile - Dead Can Dance
   
   
5. A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When The Stripper Is Crying - Bloodhound Gang
   
   I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert
   That night I strolled on into Uncle Limpy’s Hump Palace lookin’ for love.
   It had been a while.
   In fact, three hundred and sixty-five had come and went
   since that midnight run haulin’ hog to Shakey Town on I-10.
   I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin’ gallons
   through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops.
   Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips,
   milky white skin and baby blue eyes.
   Name was Russell.
   
   Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
   Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
   Well, I find it’s quite a thrill
   When she grinds me against her will
   Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
   
   Well, faster than you can say, “shallow grave,”
   this pretty little thing come up to me and starts kneadin’ my balls
   like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock.
   Said her name was Bambi and I said, “Well, that’s a coincidence, darlin',
   ’cause I was just thinkin’ about skinnin’ you like a deer.”
   Well she smiled, had about as much teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern,
   and I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask
   as I do my little kooky dance.
   And then she told me to shush.
   I guess she could sense my desperation.
   ’Course, it’s hard to hide a hard-on when you’re dressed like Minnie Pearl.
   
   Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
   Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
   Well, I find it’s quite a thrill
   When she grinds me against her will
   Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
   
   So, Bambi’s goin’ on about how she can make all my fantasies come true.
   So I says, “Even this one I have where Jesus Christ
   is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the doo-doo hole
   with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something
   resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus’s tummy-tum?”
   Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later
   I’m parkin’ the beef bus in tuna town if you know what I mean.
   Got to nail her back at her trailer.
   Heh. That rhymes.
   I have to admit it was even more of a turn-on
   when I found out she was doin’ me to buy baby formula.
   
   Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
   Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
   Well, I find it’s quite a thrill
   When she grinds me against her will
   Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
   
   Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch,
   gave the tranny a spin and slid on into
   The Stinky Pinky Gulp ’n’ Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop.
   There I was browsin’ through the latest issue of “Throb,”
   when I saw Bambi starin’ at me from the back of a milk carton.
   Well, my heart just dropped.
   So I decided to do what any good Christian would.
   You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of moo juice
   and polish the one-eyed gopher when you’re doin’ seventy-five
   in an eighteen-wheeler.
   I never thought missing children could be so sexy.
   Did I say that out loud?
   
   Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
   Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
   Well, I find it’s quite a thrill
   When she grinds me against her will
   Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
   
   
6. Movie Pot - Mitch Hedberg
   
   
7. Act 3: Beginning - John Adams, Nixon in China
   
   
8. The Hornburg - Howard Shore, The Two Towers
   
   
9. Double Team - Tenacious D
   
   
10. Beggars’ Dance - The Klezmatics
    
    

It’s Friday. What are you listening to?

[Tip o’ th’ Elisson fedora to Dennis R. for coining the (strictly accidental, yet brilliant) faux-Yiddish word “farklockt,” indicating a state of Jet-Laggedness.]