I GUESS I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE

who knows about the “Pull-Through Maneuver.” From today’s McSweeney’s:

The parking-spot pull-through

You see the spot, you pull your car in. Then you see the pull-through opportunity. The spot in front of you, usually already occupied by someone who parked facing you, is open. It’s not just sensible logistically to go right through and park facing out. It’s plain good karma. A sign of good things to come.

As an employee of The Great Corporate Salt Mine who frequently drives a car for business purposes, I am required to take a defensive driving course every three years. Policy, you know.

This can sometimes be entertaining, in an offhanded way. Over the years, I’ve taken all sorts of defensive driving courses:

The Comedy Defensive Driving Course. Usually taught by someone who is incapable of making a living doing honorable standup, the principle behind Comedy Defensive Driving is that you need constant injections of humor to keep people from flatlining out of sheer boredom during the eight classroom hours that most state-mandated DD courses require. And you know what? It doesn’t help.

The Defensive Driving Course In Which I Am The Only Participant Who Was Not Sent There To Work Off A DUI Conviction. These courses can provide some perverse amusement...or horror, depending on how you choose to view the fact that your classmates-for-a-day actually share the public roads with you. My Gawd, I’ve never heard stories like the ones I’ve heard in these classes. Keep in mind that I’ve been driving for over 34 years now and I have gotten, in all that time (kinahora), a grand total of four tickets for moving violations. That’s two speeding tickets, plus one for rolling through a stop sign and one for following too closely (this last one because I whacked into some guy after getting distracted fiddling with the radio. Dumbass me.) But these people pile up moving violations like they eat potato chips. Betcha can’t eat just one!

“Honey, I’m going to the store. You want me to pick anything up for you?”
“Sure - quart of milk, loaf of whole wheat, and a 55 in a 30 MPH zone. Oh, yeah, and some Twinkies.”

The Real, No-Shit, Honest-to-God Defensive Driving Course. This is the one I took two years ago, and it was just like being back in high school. I mean that in a good way. The instruction consisted of four hours in a classroom and four hours behind the wheel, and the guiding concepts were the same ones we learned back in the day. Get the Big Picture. Leave Yourself an Out. Keep Your Eyes Moving. All of that good, basic stuff that we tend to forget or get sloppy about in our day-to-day driving, until something Gets Our Attention. Like a wreck or a summons.

And the instructor was a big believer in the Pull-Through. Any time you can avoid backing up, you cut your risks substantially. The only caveat was that you need to be alert to other traffic that might not be aware that you are planning to Pull Through. You can give someone a rude surprise if they swing into what they thought was an empty spot if they didn't see you slip into it from the other side. But with that warning in place, it’s still a Good Idea.

I became a Pull-Through convert on the spot. Now I drive She Who Must Be Obeyed nuts every time we’re in a parking lot, seeking out Pull-Through opportunities.

And now it’s got the McSweeney’s Seal of Approval to boot. Sweet, sweet validation!