Friday, October 31, 2008


This morning, as the Missus and I were performing our respective Morning Ablutions, I released a small I am, alas, wont to do from time to time.

“Was it a stinky one?” asked She Who Must Be Obeyed.

Compared to what? But I understood her point. All farts are stinky, yet some are stinkier than others. There is a Spectrum of Fart-Stench Intensity, ranging from what SWMBO refers to as Sugar Farts on one end...and Zombie Crawled Up Your Ass and Died A Second Time Farts on the other. Everything from “mostly harmless” to “strips paint at fifty paces.”

She must have been reading my mind, because she picked up on the spectrum concept at the exact same time I did. (That’s one of the benefits of having been married over 31 years.)

“It’s like autism,” quoth the Missus, who knows about these things. “There’s a spectrum of intensity...”

“Right!” I responded. “So there are some farts that are like the kid who sits in the corner and rocks back and forth all day...

“ which case I’d say that this one is more like the kid who lacks social skills and talks about vacuum cleaners a whole lot. An Asperger’s Fart.”

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