Thursday, July 21, 2005


Well, maybe not hearts, per se.

Og, the resident genius at Neanderpundit, is one of the best Stoolbloggers out there. He is not afraid to tackle the deep subjects, the ones that we all think about but seldom articulate so well:
Ok, so everyone, at one time or another, looks at the cable they just laid. As hunters can tell the state, location, direction and speed of their quarry by the scat, so you can tell a lot about yourself by the state of your stool.
Using this criterion, I know more about myself than reasonable expectations would allow.

Og’s post got me to thinking. Years of Cable Inspection have taught me that judicious manipulation of the diet can allow the production of a Veritable Rainbow o’ Poop Colors.

Beets, for example, give a rich, red hue. It’s the kind of color that will have you booking an emergency visit with the Tuchus Doctor if you forget about the two quarts of borscht you snarfed down yesterday.

Spinach, likewise, will give you a dark green - if you eat enough of it, that is. When I whip up a batch of Salade Mort de Vampyr, I am already mentally readying myself to deal with the Great Green Load that will follow. I can only imagine Popeye, the Dean of Spinach Eaters, and the Feats of Greenturdery of which he was capable.

You want black? Take a few spoonfuls of Pepto-Bismol. It may be pink going in, but it will be Charcoal Black coming out. For white, try Kaopectate...and be prepared to wait, as that crap’ll lock you up tighter than Fort Knox.

And for a spin of the wheel in the game of Cable Coloration Roulette, try a couple of scoops of TCBY’s Rainbow Yogurt. All of that food coloring has gotta come out sometime, and the results can be...unanticipated.

Now, Esteemed Readers - go thou and have fun! It’s always good to add a little color to your life.

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